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When you have everything...

What could you possably desire?

The one you loved the most.

This quote is from the song "Right Now (Na Na Na)" by Akon.

For the past two months, I had been living in torment after losing the love of my life who I had been in a very commited relationship for 2 years, and knowing her for 12 now.

But I didnt lose her entirely. Unlike most break-ups, she didnt completely cut me off like a dead limb.
We kinda started over (I'm not gonna explain it for it is just way too complicated.). So, we've been dating for the past month and a half.

Anyways, it was kinda awkward in a way, us dating. I mean, after you know someone for 12 years, what kind of questions do you ask. It's kinda hard to find a question to ask someone, when you already know everything about them!
Well, I've tried my luck time and time again, and tried to get a kiss from her at the end of the night. But, no luck.
She did kiss me a few weeks ago, after I had done something very very helpfull for her. But, it wasnt a lov type of kiss. It was more like, "thanks for helping me, here, you deserve this (because I know you want it very badly).

Yeah, we were sexually active. And oh my god, I just love her body. But what I want more than anything right now, is just a simple kiss.

Anyways, last night, I suprised her at work, and asked her if she would like to go out to eat tonite. She said that she wasnt busy and that she would love to go out.

So, we went to Friday's, because we both just love the place. The look, the music, and more importantly, the food.
We shared a full rack of baby back pork ribs, with Friday's famous Championship Winning Jack Daniels BBQ sauce, anda batch of golden fries. Just our kind of dinner.

We ate quietly, with some short conversations about our day. Which is how we usually eat. Mainly because when I eat, I do not talk. Something I've gained through going to boot camp three times. Twice for training. And the third time, being the one who is yelling in your face, 24/7, and has the one and only plan of putting you so far down, that you are crying and finding China under your feet.
Anyways...
After dinner, we walked to the local book store that was next door, Half Price Books. A nice book store, with calm music, and a nice coffee shop attached to it, who regularly has a local folk band playing.
We found some books, and sat on the floor, reading to each other whatever we were reading. In some books, we had a couple of really nice laughs together.
And on the way home, we starting making some hilarious quotes, using various works that rhymed with TRACKING, and then the word Yak(s).
"Tracking Yaks" "Stacking Yaks." "Packing Yaks" "Hacking Yaks" "Jacking Yaks" etc...

Once we got back to her place, she invited me in, rather than just letting me in. Which was kinda odd. But, she seemed to really want me in.
Well, I went in, and we went to her room after talking to her mom a little. She checked her stuff on the computer. Gaia, MySpace, etc. And then played some calming soft techno music. She then dimmed the lights, and lit some insence.
She then approached me, and embraced me with a smile. She looked into my eyes, and I looked back. It was a moment where I should have tried to get a kiss, but I didnt. (I was nervous).
We then lied down on her bed, and she told me that she didnt want to hurt me.
She wanted to get it on, if you know what I mean, but didnt want something to happen between us before we get back together that would hurt me.
I asked her what she ment, and she said that she has lost all of her common sense these past two months. And that she will tell me when she has gained back her common sense.
Well, we lied down for about 5 seconds when I finally rolled her over off of me, and I put myself over her and told her to kiss me.
The was a silent pause between us, as we stared into each others eyes. I was so scared. I didnt know if she was going to accept my kiss. Fear ran through my body. Would I finally get what I had so longed for for all this time? Or would I be rejected once more?
Well it happened. She kissed me. We had a nice kiss that turned into this wonderful, passionate kiss.
After, she asked me how I felt. I told her that I felt great. She said that she didnt really feel anything though.
Well, then maybe second time is the charm. So, we had another passionate kiss. This one I didnt asked for.
This time, it seemed better. And it didnt stop there! We lied down, and cuddled a bit, and she kissed me before we really lied down and fell asleep. We then woke up at 2:30, and realized that I needed to go home. Even though, no one would know that I was ever gone at home. And her mom would never notice that I stayed the night either because she was dead asleep, and would not be waking up till 1 in the afternoon like usuall. And if not, late enough to not be able to know if I had stayed the night. But, I was sent home anyways, by Amanda, just incase. And at the door when she walked me out, she kissed me once more, voluntarily!

I havent asked her to get back with me just yet. I am waiting for this firday, when we go to Military Ball for my NJROTC unit. This will be our final Military Ball, for it is our senior year.
I'm planning something special for that night... But I dont know what just quite yet.