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I was going through my actual journal...and just thought maybe I'd share my favorite entries. Somewhat edited or shortened, of course.

February 2008
heart heart I really need a guy who is deeply loving, emotional, caring, romantic, protective, deep, oetimes depresssed, and even suicidal hen it comes to losing his love. That is my dream guy.
He would hav deep green ees, soft, jet-black hair, and a heavenly smile. I would love him more than anything. heart heart

June 2008
I have decided that I want to live and go to college in Japan and study wildlife while becoming a manga-ka.

August 2008
My sister got married. (Their son was born November of 2007). I was a bride's maid. It was so hard not to cry.

September 2008
Nan Desu Kan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

November 2008
I need my heart Johhny heart (dream guy). I want him so much and I would love him more than anything in the world. And I couldn't live without him. My heart is aching to speak the words: "I love you." Telling him I love him would never lose its meaning and no matter how many times I would say it, it would never be enough. I would want to be in his arms forever, and if we were ever seperated, I wouldn't live. Nothing could be more beautiful to me than his soul. Every time he'd touch me, it'd feel extaordinary. No one else's touch could come close. Every time his soft lips would touch me, it would feel amazing. And every time he's look into my eyes, I'd melt. He would be my heaven on earth. Without him, I'd literally be sent to hell.

November 2008
To sum it up...I was really depressed.

December 2008
I've been really pissed off stressed . But not as depressed.
I really hope I find my soul mate while I'm still in high school. Then we can go to Japan together...

January 2009
It's really pissing me off how people don't accept homosexuals! They (homosexuals) can't help it! People don't control who they fall in love with! And the government should not be able to tell us we we can and can't marry. It's stupd and unfair!

January 2009
I've been thinking about my Johnny again. It brings tears but also soothingness. I really hope I find him soon. I want him so much. I need him. Again, soothing, and then painful...This unpleasant feeling inside of me won't go away until I'm with him.

February 2009
My party was so fun. I almost kissed my friend...I wanted to, but I still haven't had my first kiss, and I wouldn't date her cause she was dating too many people...

March 2009
I have a crush on my friend (different girl than the last entry). She's pretty, deep, and an amazing writer.

March 2009
I just HATE that people don't accept gays. They can't control what they're attracted to or who they fall in love with. It is NOT wrong. I get so mad that I think that people who don't accept all love don't deserve love themselves.
I have so much love and no one to give it to. I hate it.


I haven't been able to cry lately and I hate it. Even though it hurt, I miss my emotion...Where did my tears go? So irritating....

May 2009
I've cried twice in class now. Same thing that pisses me off everyday. DISCRIMINATION OF LOVE. Humans are the cruelest creatures on earth, and don't deserve what they have. There is no good reason to deprive lovers of marriage. Nothing bad comes from being gay except that jerks will torment you for it. Humans are AWFUL. And it doesn't matter if religion says it's bad because religion has no place in politics. Why can't the see that love is love and gender shouldn't matter? Humans suck.
What happened?---Humans happened.

Emiel Amadare
Community Member
Emiel Amadare
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