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I lost my grandmother on Saturday June 30th to nammonia at age 75. She was the greatest person in the world. She has accomplished so much in her time. Never was she selfish. Family was always fist to her. She will be missed but always loved and never forgotten. crying

There's a zooaphile, a sadist, a murderer, a necropheliac, a pryo, and a masochist.

The zooaphile says "let's have sex with a cat."
The sadist says "let's have sex with a cat, then beat it."
The murderer says "let's have sex with a cat, then beat it, then kill it."
The necrophiliac says "let's have sex with a cat, then beat it, then kill it, then have sex with it again."
The pyro says "let's have sex with a cat, then beat it, then kill it, then have sex with it again, then light it on fire."
They all turn to the masochist saying "Well?"
The masochist says "Meow."

Not If You're Asleep

Don't count on the smell of smoke or gas to alert you in case of danger. According to a report out of Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island, sounds will usually disturb sleep, but scents will not.

The study was carried out on six participants in their twenties. Two different scents were used, the sweet, pleasant aroma of peppermint and pyridine, a pungent liquid and the by-product of fire.

Participants detected both aromas when awake and in the early stage of sleep. After dropping down into the deeper sleep levels, however, no one reacted at all to the odor of peppermint. There were some infrequent minor reactions to the pyridine, but no one awakened.

The auditory sense, however, does respond during sleep. Even a moderately loud noise aroused the study group every time.

Why is this true? The study suggests a "significant alteration of perceptual processing as a function of sleep." Olfactory perception, or the sense of smell appears to be practically nonexistent during sleep.

Many people rely on their sense of smell to awaken them in the case of fire.

This study warns that this is not a reliable alarm system, which is probably why so many lives are lost every year in night time fires. People continue to sleep while the room fills with smoke or their mattress goes up in flames around them.

Why take the risk? Smoke detectors are cheap, generally reliable and might just save your life. Every house should be equipped with several, especially in sleeping areas. The battery type should be checked and the battery changed regularly.

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'"

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace.'"

The third Catholic crone says "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence.'"

Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"

Finally she replies, "My son is a gorgeous, sexy, antler wearing, body building Pagan. When he walks into a room, women say, 'Oh my God.'"

-by Amberflame Moonfyre


=======================================
A Priest, a Rabbi and a Pagan Priestess


As part of an Interfaith community project, A right wing Christian priest, a rabbi, and a Pagan priestess decided that in order to improve relations in the community, they will go on a fishing trip together on a local pond.


They're out in the boat, and the Pagan priestess excuses herself to go to the
bathroom back on the shore. She gets out, walks across the water back to shore, and then walks back across the water to the boat.

The Christian priest looks in amazement, crosses himself, and they
continue fishing. It comes on about noon time, and the rabbi realizes they
left their lunches back on shore. So he gets up, walks across the water to
the shore, retrieves the lunches, and walks back across the water to the boat.

The Christian priest, now completely amazed, and a little bit
righteous, thinks, "not to be outdone by two heathens, I can do that
too!!" So he gets up, excuses himself to go to the bathroom, takes a
step out of the boat and promptly sinks to the bottom.

While he's flailing around in the water, the rabbi looks at the priestess
and says, "Do you think we should have told him about the rocks?"

The Pagan priestess replies, "What rocks?"



- Unknown

====================
They Lost Jesus Again

So, I'm standing at a bus stop and they pull up. A car load of well meaning, bible thumping nut cases that are just frantic! The middle aged professionally dressed woman rushes forward...She takes my arm and with trembling voices she asks...."Have you found Jesus?" Her
eyes plead with an urgency that is out of proportion to a bus stop.

Now normally I just politely decline the sermon, and free religious paperwork that such folk pawn off on unsuspecting by-standers. But, unfortunately for her, she is the fourth car to accost me in the last 9 minutes. So by now I'm beginning to wonder what the heck is wrong with these people. I mean if its not Christians it is the Jehovah's Witnesses.

Can a simple Druid get no peace?

So calmly as I can muster, without being sarcastic I reply, "You people lost him, again??"

The woman looks confused. This is not the response she was hoping for and she needs to regroup. She takes a deep breath intending to launch into her sales pitch for her God, and church, paying no heed to the concept that I might not be into being converted. I decide to not let her get going so I launch into a speech of my own...

"What is wrong with you Christians? Every time I turn around you've lost Him!" I hit her with a glare of accusation. "I mean really..." I take a measured breath. "How do you expect to have anyone follow a deity that you can't even find!"

- Author unknown

The roses are red
the violets are blue
I am sick of my life
and now I am through.

The roses have wilted
The violets are dead
My veins have run empty
and now the tears shed

Is this what you wanted?
Are you happy now?

I'm out of the way
I am no more bother.
I know you won't miss me,
the waters gone sour.

Look at my face,
throw me away.
I am nothing but garbage
left for decay.

Isn't this what you wanted?
Will you remember me?

A stone over my corpse
nothing but a name.
No flowers nor teddy bears
nothing but shame.

I have been forgotten.
memories lost.
I am nothing more
than mid winters frost.

lol emo