My mother just died. Though I am not going to her funeral nor going to the hospital with my father.
3 years ago I was so mad at my mother for yelling at me, hitting me, and ignoring me when I needed her.
Now I feel like the love of my life *no not my mom* has left.
I'm actually crying as I am typing this..
Here are the exact words I said 2006;
"Dear God, I apologize for saying this but please get me away from my mother.By death in three years.*then I get mad and start yelling this* BECAUSE I AM SICK AND TIERED OF HER ABUSING ME AND ACTING LIKE SHE OWNS ME!!
*starts to cry*
Then I thought of committing suicide, But I just did not have the heart to do it.
I wrote in my diary;"I want to die but I don't want to feel the pain. If God or someone did it for me...Just instantly fast and painless..I would smile and laugh.."
Sure I act happy a lot but most just do not under stand me. I know no one is going to read this but if Madeline does or anyone then they would know how I REALLY feel.
Actually this morning I knew something surprising would pop out at me, so I put my belt around my neck and tried to hang myself. My mom and dad just had to walk in. I'm tired of hearing them fight all the time its SICKENING. And now my mom is gone. I don't even fell like crying any more looking back at all the pain she has done to me. I SAVED MY ******** BABY BROTHER MY ALMOST KILLING MY SELF!! I HAD TO GET SURGURY!! "oh your just fine put some alchol on it its fine" *then goes to play with the baby* Life sucks.
3 years ago I was so mad at my mother for yelling at me, hitting me, and ignoring me when I needed her.
Now I feel like the love of my life *no not my mom* has left.
I'm actually crying as I am typing this..
Here are the exact words I said 2006;
"Dear God, I apologize for saying this but please get me away from my mother.By death in three years.*then I get mad and start yelling this* BECAUSE I AM SICK AND TIERED OF HER ABUSING ME AND ACTING LIKE SHE OWNS ME!!
*starts to cry*
Then I thought of committing suicide, But I just did not have the heart to do it.
I wrote in my diary;"I want to die but I don't want to feel the pain. If God or someone did it for me...Just instantly fast and painless..I would smile and laugh.."
Sure I act happy a lot but most just do not under stand me. I know no one is going to read this but if Madeline does or anyone then they would know how I REALLY feel.
Actually this morning I knew something surprising would pop out at me, so I put my belt around my neck and tried to hang myself. My mom and dad just had to walk in. I'm tired of hearing them fight all the time its SICKENING. And now my mom is gone. I don't even fell like crying any more looking back at all the pain she has done to me. I SAVED MY ******** BABY BROTHER MY ALMOST KILLING MY SELF!! I HAD TO GET SURGURY!! "oh your just fine put some alchol on it its fine" *then goes to play with the baby* Life sucks.
