I guess I really was being stupid. And I really have no right to be mad at my friends thinking that I’m just being overdramatic about all of this. Because I am; being overdramatic I mean. It just feels so much easier to be mad at everyone and just hold this grudge because I can’t bring myself to forgive them just yet. I mean, they are my best friends. I love them so much…and to think they played any part in all of this drama against me. It hurts. And it hurts a lot. And it doesn’t help that the people in the library, all of my new friends, they’ve just been so amazing through all of this. They are so welcoming and helpful even thought they have no idea what is going on. Why I’ve suddenly decided to barge in on their group, eating with them every lunch and even bringing my drama with me sometimes. I’ve stirred up so much peace in there…but they stand by my side and they are open ears for whenever I need it. They just want me to be happy, and they want me to know that, and I love that about them. All of them. I am so grateful and I need to remember that. But I also need to remember my old friends. The ones that I’ve shunned, the ones I swore to give up. The ones that have been there since the beginning. I thought I could be rid of them, but I guess I was wrong. Before I get into what happened today and how much I appreciate it, I have to give some credit to the people who were standing with me from the beginning of this whole ordeal. My true friends who I can always count on, always, not matter what happens. I guess I take them for granted because I rely on them so much and I can be assured that they will be there for me whenever I need them. But that is wrong. So I want to thank them for staying with me when all the bad s**t goes down and helping me through the tough times when I need it most. Besides them though, are the middle friends. They aren’t exactly new but they weren’t there from the very beginning like some of my other friends. Or hell, I’m just talking about one person specifically so I might as well just say it. It’s Mark. I love him so much for what he did for me today…and here I was doubting him all along. We’re talking right now, through text. And me over thinking is questioning what his motives are…but knowing him, they're probably all straight and true. In a way I feel stupid for giving him up so easily, but then I think about it some more and I remember that we would be terrible in a relationship together and I didn’t want that at all, which is why I did what I did. It’s sad that we aren’t as close anymore and we don’t talk nearly as much as we used to, but he’s proven that he is still there for me if I ever need it and that really means a lot to me. He’s an amazing person, and I just told him that, but it’s hard because my best friend is pretty upset at him because apparently he’s a jerk when he’s drunk. Which I guess isn’t too hard to believe, especially since they are completely different and have majorly opposing views on the whole alcohol matter.
chasity_dark_queen · Thu Apr 14, 2011 @ 09:18am · 0 Comments |