Winter and I are drifting apart. It's difficult to say when it all started. Maybe it was destined, and we were doomed to fall in love and drift apart from the moment we met so long ago. I can think of a few turning points that signaled the decay of our relationship.
It might have started while we still conversed over gaia. That was a gradual thing, really. I remember being able to care several private messages at a time, perhaps somewhere around six different threads. Most were role plays, the plot driven by his incredible creativity, which I had the pleasure of being a part of. There was also the one private message he called the OC thread. I still can't remember what OC stood for, but it was regular chat between us. Even within that thread, we managed to keep maybe three conversations going at once. It was all so wonderful, and I would watch my inbox and press f5 eagerly every few seconds to see what new thing he'd written for me to respond to.
This paradice, however, faded eventually. He grew tired of the role playing, as did I. Some of them had begun to feel like a chore. The OC became weak, too feeble to carry more than one conversation. It hardly had the energy to hold even that single conversation, and would often waver, as if it would collapse completely.
Another turning point for the relationship was when Winter became tired of gaia. I objected to changing the way we spoke with each other, but deep down, I knew as well as he that gaia simply wasn't working anymore. Gaia could no longer provide the romantic spark we'd harvested from it for so long. We had to leave dear old gaia behind, in search of greener pastures.
It took a little bit of getting used to, using skype. Instead of well thought out, long replies to each other, we would quickly type up a short, grammatically incorrect responce. I decided I liked it though, and this style of communication allowed for us to voice thoughts and opinions more freely, and with a more natural flow of conversation. We found that, once we adapted to speaking in such a way, conversation was again intriguing, and we enjoyed each others company. Role playing became a thing of the past, however, being that role plays are better when done slowly, and with gentle care. We managed to entertain ourselves regardless, and hours would pass like minutes again, the same way they had on gaia.
Soon, though, the creeping shadow that had come upon us in gaia was back. That terrible, gradual thing that turned gaia into a wasteland for us had returned. It wasn't quite the same. As little things happened in our lives, we would talk about them. These little flecks of joy between us didn't stop or slow the coming darkness, but only distracted us. I remained oblivious as it decended. I was aware of constant topics that kept arising during our hours of chat, but only now, looking back on what we said to each other many months ago do I see the significance. It was mostly my fault, if not completely. My pressuring him to buy a webcam. My constant whining that I didn't have a boyfriend and that I wanted his help in getting one, but never accepting his advice. Things like this would come up between us all the time, and we would sometimes even argue. It was causing a rift between us.
He began to believe that he was a crutch to me. A voice I could come crying back to every time I chickened out flirting with a boy, or just needed someone to baby me. He was probably right, although I'm not sure how I would be any different if I had never met him. I'm not sure I want to find out. He was also experiencing some emotional trouble of his own, but I was too self-absorbed to listen. He felt alone, and probably still does. He is surrounded by people who care, but he has dark thoughts that he doesn't feel he can share with anyone. I cannot begin to fathom what these thoughts are, for he says they weren't meant for mankind to have. He also feels out of place. He believes somewhere out there is the place that will make him feel happy, but he doesn't have a clue where it is.
This leads to the last turning point for us. He decided to run away. Wanting to find that place, he ran away from home with help from his closest friends. There was no clear warning given to me, but looking back on our conversation before he left, it couldn't be more clear. After that conversation, he simply dropped from the radar. He was gone. His computer tortured me, logging him on during this voyage, when I would plead for an explanation for what had happened, while he was thousands of miles from the computer. He traveled from Miami all the way up the east coast, by car. In New York, he managed to get a couple of plane tickets from his reluctant mother, and he went to Europe. The whole trip took him nearly two weeks.
When he returned, he had changed. We began speaking less often. It used to be that every day, I could rely on him to log on to skype and talk with me for hours. Now I have no way of being sure when he'll be on again. At times we go over a week without hearing from each other. He claims it's because of orchastra, but I'm not sure anymore. He had orchastra the entire year and it only kept him from me for days on end after the trip. He says sometimes he just doesn't feel like getting on skype.
Once, I had hoped that maybe, one day, we might find each other in real life, and live happily ever after. That will never happen now. We're drifting apart too quickly. The end is coming, I'm sure, and it's devastating to me to think back to the time when our love was new, and we would use dear old gaia to say everything to each other. We were so close, too. Another year of school and he would be graduated, free to come and visit me, to sweep me off my feet and whisk me away to happiness. It was a foolish dream to believe that could happen. Our love is dying too quickly, and then I will be alone again, given a taste of the fruit of heaven, only to be cast back down to earth so cruely.
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