I am swimming but I drown. Attempting to rise but I fall. Stiving to win but fail.
Have I the right to call myself this name?
Have I the right to be called Aya?
A name of such fondness to describe abounding joy.
Used in the most affable of relationships?
Have I failed everyone I hold dear?
It feels like I have entered quicksand. The more I struggle to free myself of this darkness, this weight... The more and more I sink to the bottom where all my regrets, anxiety and pain are focused.
I cannot stand still just to keep myself from falling.
I cannot let time pass me by.
If I do just that, they win.
The people I have been fighting all my life.
The people I confront and deflect in the name of friendship.
The discouragers. The people who say we're not good enough. The people who say we'll amount to nothing.
No! I cannot lose to them.
I am reaching but I fall.
But even so, I cannot lose sight of the goal.
Fight or flight?
I am tired of fighting.
I am tired of being pushed around. Dismayed.
My energy is expended.
I am at your mercy.
I am on my knees.
Help me. Help me up. Help me to my feet.
I am falling. Save me...
· Tue Apr 09, 2013 @ 11:56pm · 0 Comments