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Say it...

...Before you lose your chance
I am swimming but I drown. Attempting to rise but I fall. Stiving to win but fail.

Have I the right to call myself this name?

Have I the right to be called Aya?

A name of such fondness to describe abounding joy.

Used in the most affable of relationships?

Have I failed everyone I hold dear?

I wonder...

It feels like I have entered quicksand. The more I struggle to free myself of this darkness, this weight... The more and more I sink to the bottom where all my regrets, anxiety and pain are focused.

I cannot stand still just to keep myself from falling.

I cannot let time pass me by.

If I do just that, they win.

The people I have been fighting all my life.

The people I confront and deflect in the name of friendship.

The discouragers. The people who say we're not good enough. The people who say we'll amount to nothing.

No! I cannot lose to them.

I am reaching but I fall.

But even so, I cannot lose sight of the goal.

Fight or flight?

I am tired of fighting.

I am tired of being pushed around. Dismayed.

My energy is expended.

I am at your mercy.

I am on my knees.

Help me. Help me up. Help me to my feet.

I am falling. Save me...

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