Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Misery And Wrath

We're moving over the weekend to a house I hate. It's small, in a neighborhood I hate, and the school is different. What is great to is me mum wants to put me in that other school because she thinks I'll do better without people distracting me...that'll so work. This all is just adding to my misery I suppose making it one giant ball of doomy doom. My emotions are starting to take a toil on me too. My head is starting to hurt again, I can't eat again, and sleep is not my friend again...I love how again is in all that. This ain't the first time I hurt because I was so upset. It's happened twice before, and this is the worst of all of it. I'm throwing up constantly, and I feel odd. It's not a bad feeling, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. I told me mum and she said I was empty and needed more friends so I would be happy....and she wonders why I never tell her anything anymore.

"We used to talk all the time, what happened to you?"
"I just don't feel like talking mom-"
"You hate me don't you?"
"I never said that-"
"I knew it, I failed you! I failed my daughter, it's all my fault you're so ******** up!"

That's usually around the time I slam my door and pretend she's not alive anymore, but everyone's stressing out over this stupid house so she's worse then normal. I swear to god, one of these days I'm going to get a tumor from suppressed emotions and die. And now I'm going to answer a question I know is coming: "You don't have to do that to yourself so why do you?"
Because if I acted how I felt everyone would freak cause they'd think I was going to kill myself. The people I acknowledge are freaks, they wouldn't understand, and I don't really want that kind of attention. I hate it when people go Are you OK? No I'm not, are you happy now? I said it, should I scream it from a roof top and rave a banner that says I am Miserable in big hot pink letters?! Jeez, people over react so easily and then ask why I hate them. Your emotions and personality annoys me, your happiness annoys me, you being alive annoys me. If I could I would bomb this whole god forsaken planet, excluding a select few, and laugh as my head blew up in space.

"How can you be so cruel?"

I HATE YOU! So painfully so, I hate you. I've never met you before and I still hate you because you're human. All humans are the same, freak goblins that find abstract reasons to hate each other for no real reason, so why can't I hate you for no reason. These goblins back-stab one another and betray their so called 'friends' so often I'd really hate to see how they acted towards people they didn't like. RANDOM THOUGHT! Sometimes they don't even like their friends, Why are you hanging out with them? Do you have that little of a life where you rely on those who you despise? The human race is something pathetic and weak that should be stamped out before it infects and kills something else that used to be beautiful. Now, I'm off to go slam my head into the wall until:
A.someone stops me
B.I can force a smile
C.there's a hole in the wall
Or my personal favorite: D.I pass out