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*Sighs* My dreams still rule my life. I am constantly mocked in them as my imagination is set free. They show me things I could never have, never hope for, things that will never come to be. Of course... dreams are dreams for a reason. I can't help but ask myself why I have so many of them, why they are so vivid, why I can actually FEEL within my dreams. There are times when I wake up after a painful dream, and my body aches, hurts, as if what I dreamed really happened. The most memorable dream that I had was about 2 years ago . I was kissing someone I loved very much. That's all it was, a kiss, but it felt so really, I woke up tingling, and there were tears on my face. Why? I have no idea. Maybe I was just so happy...
I have seen the future in my dreams, and what I saw came true.
Ex: In my dream, I was sitting on my living room couch with my step-dad. He turns and tells me "Get up, your mother's coming." At that moment, I woke up, and through my room's door came my mother.
I've had dreams of all kinds. Scary, sad, happy, sexual, comedic, and just plain weird.
But one thing my dreams all share. Realism. They seem so real, so vivid, so packed with details it's impossible to describe them.
One dream I constantly have is of paradise.
My paradise.
I wake up in a barren wasteland, everything around me is charred, burnt and void of life. Ahead of me there is a tunnel delved into the earth, a dim light at the end.
With nothing left, I abandon my surroundings and enter the tunnel.
It gets smaller and smaller as I near the light, and I am forced to dig the rest of the way, clawing through the end.
Then I emerge, covered in dirt, sweat, tired. But in front of lies the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. A luscious green land with blooming wildflowers and beautiful trees all around. The ocean is clear and sparkles in the gleaming sunlight. Everyone and everything I had ever loved is here, waiting for me. I just stand in amazement as I look upon the people and things that made my life great. I break down, fall to my knees and begin crying.
Then I wake up, with the memory of this dream fresh in my mind, and already tears running down my cheeks.
Some of my dreams are influenced by anime, art, music.
I feel that, although I love anime, both story-wise and visually(I love art, remember? ^^), I fear that it is having a negative impact on me rather than a positive one. I watch anime that is not part of the mainstream. Things not shown on toonami/cartoon network. Things that haven't been raped by crappy english dubs. These anime make me sad, because for the most part, they are the best ones. There are so many things in these animes that I could only wish for. And in my dreams, those things happen, as if taunting me.
I admit I have loved some women/girls from anime. For their looks? Hell no.
First, it's 60% personality for me, then it's 35% hygiene/actions/whatever. then 5% looks XD(I have friends of all shapes, sizes, races to confirm this hehe)
Anyway... They aren't real people, so I often find myself falling for someone else over time. But above all, one person has kept my eye. Dizzy of Guilty Gear X.
How can a drawing captivate us so much as to make people actually love that person? Or is it really just the personality?
I don't know...
Then I think, no, that personality was made by whoever developed that character, they aren't real. But that doesn't help me at all. Life isn't as colorful as anime. It never will be. Yet my dreams are. Again, my dreams give me everything I wish for. I often wished I would never wake up. I cursed myself for having such thoughts as loving an anime character... I tremble sometimes because I can't stop myself. I was once able to bottle up those feelings. but for 2 years, I became someone totally different... I was not like how I am today. After all that time, I started having these very imaginative dreams. This first of them involved someone I liked long ago. After that... it all changed. I reverted back to my normal self. It felt good, but now I realize that it's near impossible for me to get rid of these feelings. I love to have my dreams, but I know one day, they will be the end of me.
 Dreadhawk Dragontail · Fri Dec 22, 2006 @ 10:35pm · 1 Comments |
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