Yeah, for the second time, I'm the lowest I could be right now for the same damn reason: last year. I walked outside about an hour ago at 8:30pm and I felt the cool air hugging my skin and fill my heart up. Then I started feeling it again... the numbness from last year. I immediately ran inside the house and wrapped myself with a blanket and the thought of Jana being with me. I was calm for a while, and then it returned like an emotional stake in the heart. I slid onto my piano and played almost every song I know, repeating a few in hopes of losing my mind in the music and feeling and forgetting about the pain, but when I got to First Love and L'Heur Bleue, my heart sank again. Just for the hell of it, I grabbed my jacket and threw it on, put my glasses on and let my hair fall in my face and I laughed a little. I zipped up my jacket and walked outside, staring at the sky and put my hands in my pocket.
Then I remembered today. When Jana walked me home and we were coming on to my street, I asked her, "Any room in that pocket for my hand?" I was joking, but she made some room and said, "sure there is." So I stuck my hand in and held her hand inside of her pocket. I felt so high (high as in "in a higher place" wink and secure, I didn't want to take my hand out.
And with a mere memory of what happened today, I felt almost completely better. The song "Alone This Holiday" was still in the back of my mind, but I focused my mind on one thing Jana has told me many times over: "I love you too."
Jana, you have no idea how much you help me, both present and absent.
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Rain.
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My life is a lesson in losses.
I learn one at a time.
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heart My life is a lesson in losses.
I learn one at a time.
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User Comments: [1] [add]
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I take a breath, breathing in what I imagine as my last,
Time stops around me, Showing me my faults, weaknesses,
I take another breath, breathing in the moment.
Time begins to move again,
The stop sign becomes an ever fading memory,
I look to the people around me,
They remain unaware of my destiny, my fate, my higher calling,
My will plummeting me towards greather things,
All of the breaths filling my lungs,
I breath out all of my anxieties, anguishes, stress,
Expelling the negative, inhereting the positive,
A smile begins to form on my face,
Time returning to its ever constant motion,
I look to the stop sign smiling,
Life like an ever slow moving game of chess,
I pick up my rook and with a smirk,
I look at those that judge me, wish to hurt me, and lay my piece down.
"Check, your move..."
(Thought this up in two minutes, hope you like it razz )