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Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters herein, and the respective animes from whence they came.

I am Nanashi, my fiend onime is Kai, and my friend Rem Severem is... well... Rem. ((Yes, I am a woman.))

Warnings: OOCness, silliness, character torture, random object appearances and swearing.


Chapter 1
Frankfurt-Hahn Airport, Frankfurt, Germany.
Hair bells and Planejackings

Jing-jing-jing-jing!
Heads were officially going to roll for this, Zaraki Kenpachi decided, and none other than he would be doing the rolling. A week ago, some 10th Division retards who had had a little too much sake than was good for them decided to pull some pranks on him. Said shenanigans consisted of swapping his round, blood-red bells for square, pink ones, placing stuffed animals all around the room, and putting green powdered food coloring in his shower head. At first, he had blamed Yachiru (It was the sort of thing she'd do. Although, in retrospect, he realized she did not have nearly as many stuffed animals as that.), until he walked out of the shower with green skin. The poor 4th Division was so busy that day, what with the temper tantrum Zaraki-taicho was throwing. After successfully finding and mauling the perpetrators, Hitsugaya-taicho cornered him. The conversation went something like this:
"Zaraki-taicho."
"Whaddya want, shorty?"
The air got slightly colder.
"What do you think you are doing?"
"Getting even with the idiots that turned me green."
"Those 'idiots' were in my division. You had no authority to chastise them."
"You wouldn't've done it."
"Zaraki-taicho," Hitsugaya sighed at this point, “you need a vacation."
Yachiru got excited over the thought, even as the wall behind them ceased to exist due to the big man's furious release of reiatsu.
"JUST Zaraki-taicho."
"Awwwwww!!! Shorty-chan!! Pleeeeaaase?"
"No. We've already found someone to take care of Zaraki. You are to leave immediately."
Ken-chan went into a rather violent fit at this point.
Jing-jing-jing-jing!
Zaraki was jilted out of his reverie and glared at the black-haired cat-girl who was playing with one of his bells. Said kitty grinned and sat back down, and finished off her sundae. The PA chimed and an artificial female voice said something unintelligible in German, which echoed off the walls and mingled with the babble of the crowd below.
"C'mon, they're calling us for boarding," a red-headed girl, Rem, said, standing up.
"Good thing we have first class," the black-haired ninja muttered.
"Can it, Zabuza," The blonde dog-girl said, picking up her bag.
"Shut up, you stupid b***h!" Zabuza retorted.
"Oh, very funny," the girl replied scathingly, obviously annoyed at the pun. "You think of that yourself?"
"What were their names again...?" Zaraki thought absently, watching a fly buzz around. "Kai, Rem, Zabuza, Sano... and... Seven? Pear? Something like that..."
"Oy! Nanashi!" Kai called over her shoulder. "Get your a** movin'! And tell Mr. Jingle Bells to quit sittin' there like an idiot!"
"Jawohl!" Nanashi saluted. "Neko no aho..." she muttered when Kai's back was turned. "Ne, let's go, Zaraki-taicho."
"Where are we going again?"
"On the plane."
"On the what?"

+5 minutes later+

"This... is ridiculous."
Rem couldn't hold it in any longer. She burst out laughing at the sight of Kenpachi trying to fit into an airplane seat. The shinigami glared at her at started to push himself up, then stopped.
"Nani desu ka, Ken-chan?" Nanashi asked, waiting to get into her seat.
"I... I'm stuck."
10 second pause for effect....
Zabuza double over laughing, then quickly turned his laughter into deep-lung coughing. Hiei, Mr. Practical, however, was not remotely amused.
"How the hell's he supposed to fit into a car?"
"We'll figure it out when the time comes," nanashi said confidently, deftly stealing a bell off of one of the shinigami's head and stuck it in her mouth.
Zaraki finally got himself un-stuck and hit his head on the bulkhead, bending several of his hair spikes.
"Damn!" Nanashi said, looking at the window seat next to the now-vacant one. "How the hell'm I supposed to go the bathroom? Ken-chan-taicho will be blacking the way. YIPE!" A huge hand dropped onto her head.
"Give me back Fuyuzora," Zaraki growled ominously.
Nanashi stuck her tongue out with the bell one it, and pretended to swallow it.
"Great," Hiei muttered sarcastically, watching the girl being lifted into the air and shaken. "The trip's barely begun and look! Stupidity."
Nanashi put the bell between her teeth and grinned, then moved it under her tongue. Zaraki grinned insanely at her.

+Two-and-a-half minutes later...+

Zaraki stood up and spat the poor bell onto his palm. Nanashi rolled over from where she was being pinned down, blushing furiously. Her bleeding tongue hung out of her mouth, and she glared over her shoulder at Zaraki, who grinned at her. She looked around at shocked faces and twitching eyes.
"Anyone care to trade seats with me?"
Everyone sat in their own seats immediately.
"Nana," Kai asked, staring at the blonde. "Why is your tongue bleeding?"
"I didn't think his teeth were that sharp.." She wiped off her tongue and made a face. "Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!! Zaraki spit! Anyone have any mouthwash?"
Rem wordlessly handed her a bottle of mouthwash and the blonde rocketed off the lavatory, unscrewing the bottle.
"How does she manage to get herself into these messes?" Sano wondered aloud.
"Che, she was askin' fer it," Zaraki muttered, wiping off and reattaching the bell. "It was her own damn fault she bit me, anyway."
A faint buzzing noise could be heard over the clatter and murmur of people taking their seats.
"Hello, this is your captain speaking," the PA warbled after a while. "If you would please take your seats, we will be taxied to the runway shortly." The message was repeated several times in German and French, and then the "fasten seat belts" sign pinged on. The lavatory door was kicked open, and an oddly cheerful nanashi came sidling out.
"Where's my mouthwash?" Rem asked.
"Gone," replied the other, smiling and spreading her fingers. "I put it in a high-pressure aqua-flosser."
"How're you feeling?" Zabuza asked.
"The painful burning sensation in my mouth should keep the thought of what Zaraki-taicho did to me out of my mind for a while,"
she answered nonchalantly, still grinning.
"Whatever, just sit down."
The dog-girl sat down, buckled up, and pulled a stuffed red lion out of her bag before kicking it under the seat in front. Zaraki sat down, didn't bother with the seat belt and stole the lion.
"Give me back Linux, you overgrown freak!"
Hiei groaned and sank his head into his hand. "This is going to be a looong two hours."

+1-1/2 hours later…+

Zabuza continued banging his head rhythmically on the window as he had done for the past hour. Rem shook her head; snapping herself out of the trance watching him had put her in for the past half hour and slapped him. The ninja stared at her with a blank look and continued banging his head. Rem rolled her eyes and looked around. Sano was snoring, Hiei was staring into space, and Kai was drifting in and out awareness. Nanashi was asleep against Zaraki and the shinigami was glaring at the ceiling, his eye twitching slightly.
Suddenly a scream broke the droning semi-silence of the aircraft. Sano sat up in shock and hit his head on the seat in front of him.
“Ow…whawazzat?”
“Probably nothing,” Zabuza answered, still banging his head on the window. “A baby probably puked on a stewardess, is all.”
Suddenly four men in ski masks burst through the curtain separating first in coach, shouting something in German and waving screwdrivers. Zaraki stuck his foot out and all four of them fell over. Nanashi woke up at the impact and looked around Ken-chan. She stared blankly at the four guys trying to pick themselves up before her brain woke up. She unbuckled herself, vaulted over the roadblock, and landed on the pile. Sano stood up and lifted one up and pulled of the ski mask to reveal a man with a mullet.
“Does he look familiar to anyone?”
“It’s MacGyver!” Nanashi squealed, holding two of the would-be plane-jackers in headlocks, while stomping on the third.
“At least they weren’t wearing those ridiculous president masks,” Kai muttered, going back to sleep.
“Yeah,” Nanashi agreed. She pulled four ropes out of one of her pockets and tied them up, keeping the untied end in her pocket.

+20 minutes later+

The group got off the tube at Victoria station walked outside, attracting a lot of attention, partly because of the animal parts, partly because of Zaraki, and partly because of the four men being dragged along. Once they had reached the street, Nanashi tugged on the ropes, pulling out a gold Chocobo and slapped its tail. The bird let out a startled “Wark!” and ran off, pulling the four men after.
Zaraki stared at the quickly-disappearing Chocobo and then back at the blonde. “What all do you have in those pockets?”
“Everything but writing utensils,” Nanashi answered. “My jacket eats ‘em.”
Rem consulted her very confusing map. “I think we go…. That way.”
“You sure?” Hiei asked her dubiously.
“Well, at least Yachiru-fukutaicho isn’t here,” Nanashi muttered absently, digging through her pockets. “Ah-ha!” she cried out triumphantly, pulling out a Global Positioning Satellite. “Oh, crap.” She quickly shoved it back in and went t another pocket.
Hiei rolled his eyes. “Have you ever thought of cleaning out your pockets?”
“Clean them out!?” Nanashi sounded scandalized. “That would take centuries!”
“What all do you have in there?” Sano asked.
“Hummm… A road cone, a butterfly, a lightsabre, a hunk of uranium, a cow, a small asteroid…”
“Nevermind,” he said, rolling his eyes.”
“Ha!” she cried, pulling out the elusive handheld GPS. “And there’s that comet…and look! I still have Kisame’s Samehada!”
“Whatever, just find our hotel!” Hiei nearly screamed at her.
“Locating…” Nanashi muttered, typing in the address. “That way!” she said triumphantly, pointing in the opposite direction of Rem

______________________________________

Key & side notes:
-taicho: captain
-fukutaicho: vice-captain
Nana: 7
Nashi: Pear
Fuyuzora: Winter sky
Aho: Idiot

Hitsugaya-taicho is…well…short.
Yachiru-fukutaicho has a horrid sense of direction.
Zaraki-taicho is very attached to his hair bells, and has even named them. d^^b