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Just got a flashback to when I used to work with the homeless. I tell people stories about what I used to go through and often are told that I would qualify for disability benefits because of what I've experienced. A long time ago in the distant year of 2018 there was a man I was trying to help who suffered from the most severe case of schizophrenia I've ever encountered. He would walk around staring through people and shouting at things that weren't there and voices that only he could hear. He would get so violent that at times he would come extremely close to harming people, but when he also had a side to him where he was gentle and sweet. Most people who knew him would be off put by his sweet side because of how unnaturally opposite it was to his violent outbursts.

There's more to the story, but I'll cut it off here because his case was very hard to handle and he had quite a few problems that go beyond a PG-13 setting. What he reminds me of is that more often than not, people who suffer have something that started their suffering. When we let go of what makes us who we are and fall into despair we cling to whatever can still give us any sense of a high feeling. It can be anything from drugs to getting attention. Those feeling the despair will do whatever they can to continue feeling that small bit of high, but in the end it was a feeling that is fleeting. If you suffer from despair, find something or someone who is REAL, that won't distort your view of reality. The moment you give into drugs or culture to let that define your life is when you let go of your sense of self. Don't be stupid, make good choices.