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*insert x-files theme here*
rolleyes

Ok, so here's the truth. I know i've told maybe 3 people about this so far, but I feel comfortable enough now to share the full story openly, for those who care.

About 3 weeks ago, I had a mental break down. With the corona virus going on, and my current living situation, I came to a conclusion that I am not happy where I am. So it's time to do something about it. Some opportunities presented themselves.
My mom, who lives in AZ, offered for me to come move out there and live with her and her roomie. It would be a crowded house for sure. Arizona sounds fantastic! Living with my mom doesnt! We have had our history, and when it comes down to it...i just really don't trust my mom when it comes to money. At the time of my breakdown, that seemed like it was my only option for a fresh start and to get away from this area I live in now (PA). I was starting to feel trapped and stuck in a situation I didn't want to be in. The past 2 years of my life have not been what I've wanted and I'm exhausted in trying to make it work.

But I had an "ah-ha" moment. Whats the difference between living there and living here? (Besides the obvious environment) There is no difference except I would be closer to my mom. I have no irl friends where i live currently, just like i would have none there. I have no other family around me (my dad but we don't talk) but i would have my mom out there. SO WHY NOT LIVE SOMEWHERE I ACTUALLY WANT TO LIVE?? I would have to make the same move as I would if i were going to my mom's. Granted it would cost more money, but i've been able to save up and been given the means to take that jump. I started to think about where I wanted to start new. Where is a place that i would love to explore more, get to know better, and enjoy? It came down to Maine or Florida. Polar opposites. I opted for Maine. I've recently visited there, loved it. It's more laid back and really the only downfall is the harsh winters, and for me Cold > Hot. You can only take off so many clothes before it's indecent! lol!! Anyways...

I started to look up the crime rates and safest cities in ME. From there, I went onto a hiring website to see the job market in the state as a whole. I started to put a few applications in, just to put feelers out and to see if anything bites. Well, one company took the bait and with that came a city name I could start doing more research on. And so that's what i did. I started to research apartments, roommates, other jobs, crime rates, places to eat, shops, etc. I'm am confident that that area is not only safer, but very much like the place I currently live in a sense of the layout and size. It would be new but with a sense of familiarity as many cities have.
On thursday this past week, I had a phone interview with said company and on friday i found out that they want to move forward and put me through a second final interview. End of the day tuesday, I should have my answer. I currently have housing lined up in the event that i want to go ahead with this process. I have everything ready to go. Nothing is set in stone though. I could still say no, I could turn the offer down and move to Arizona instead. Either way, i am NOT staying here anymore. I cannot do this anymore.

I talked to my mom this morning about it after I got off the phone with my potential roommate. I told her about my plans, the way i came about it, and expressed how i was afraid to tell her about it all. She asked me why I was afraid to tell her? I told her it wasnt for fear of her being unsupportive but for fear of her not understanding and not being AS supportive about it as she could be, because i know this is something completely out of left field. But after explaining my reasons and thought process behind it, she ultimately just said she was proud of me for making this decision and putting the wheels in motion by myself, that it shows how much i've grown up in the last few years. She said she was proud me ya'll. Obviously she was worried about me being with a roommate(which i sent her all the info about) and being 5 miles from a MAIN road but i told her my roomie would have a small electric car....compared to my actually bigger sturdier car...if they can do it, im sure i'll be fine. WORST CASE i just need to get new tires (lol theres an inside jk, pm me about it if you just gotta know).

So now, i'm preparing for my final interview on monday. I have an outfit in mind and i've been prepping my questions based off what the recruiter has told me and put together from my own "interview and achievements" portfolio (everyone should have one of these!!). It will be a Google Meet meeting, which is pretty cool. I love how much we as whole have adapted to our current situation to continue to do things.

But anyways, this is the truth, the big secret i've been keeping. For fear of being judged or upset at from the people who matter most to me. Not knowing how to approach it without being told the many negative aspects that there are. I just need support right now, I need to know that those who say they care for me, really mean it and truly want me to be happy. it's not like i don't have a plan B or escape button. So if this all fails, I won't be "screwed". But i would rather take this leap of faith than to just go ahead with the intial plan and then wonder "what if" the rest of my life.


Never let a bad situation keep you from doing what you want to do. If you have 2 paths in front of you and you like neither, pave your own way. You never know what you're made of under you're put under pressure.
heart Thanks for coming to my TED talk. gaia_zurg