You know what?
I hate watching people suffer.
I know. "Way to state the obvious, Franny. I don't think a lot of people like seeing others suffer."
Shut up. I don't wanna hear it. ******** off. This is my journal, my rant time, my hour of the day to give the world the finger and devour every moment of it.
I'm tired of seeing my friends get hurt.
I'm tired of seeing my boyfriend suffer from his condition. (He gets tired and hungry really easily. It's an illness. Anyone know the name of it? I forgot.)
I'm tired of my Goddamn cousin thinking she's my sister's mother.
How dare she ******** pull my sister away from me? Physically and mentally and emotionally.
How dare that rotten, dumb wench treat everyone in this household - we provide her with food, water, shelter, and an education (which she chose to push aside in eighth grade, when she dropped out of school) as well as the freedom to do whatever she Goddamn wants to do with her ********' LIFE - like animals except my six year old sister.
I hate watching people suffer. I hate suffering altogether. As well as the pain she's inflicted on our family.
That stubborn b***h needs us more than we need her.
If it were up to me, I'd end EVERYONE'S suffering and make her GET THE ******** OUT and get somone else to take care of me and my precious Isabel.
She doesn't have much time as a child.
Goddamnit.
I want to hold her hand when we go to the mall. I want to kiss her, hug her, and console her whenever I Goddamn want to. I want to be the one she looks to with wide eyes and says, "I have to go potty." I want to be the one to fix her lunch, take her to the park, watch a movie with her, draw pictures with her, ruffle her hair, do her makeup for ballet recitals, help her get ready for piano lessons, drive her to her friends' houses, and most of all...
I want to be the one that she'll kiss on the forehead one day, when I'm in my deathbed, and say, "You were the best sister in the world. Now, you're the best sister in Heaven too."
Damnit, why do I always have to cry like this -
********.
I'm tired of my addiction to this computer. I want to read and write again, damnit! I want to be the prefered one of my friends. I want to be the smart, pretty, respectful, and admirable one of the class.
Alas. The grass is always so much greener in another yard.
I'm tired of people looking at me and thinking, "She's wearing Abercrombie. She has Emporio Armani glasses, her mom drives a fancy car, she's smart... She has no problems in this life."
And it's those ******** retarded people who always get the sympathy. Because precious little Franny doesn't mind being tossed aside, downgraded, and spat upon because she lives in a half a million dollar house, or because she makes all As, or because she's not poor, stupid, or illiterate.
And don't think I'm talking about you, whoever's reading this. I love everyone on my friendslist. I love every single one of you, and adore you, and would go to any extent to assure you that I could be the best friend ever.
I can prove that.
But there are so many things that I can't stand, or deal with, or find the missing puzzle piece for...
I'unno. It just seems that everyone around me is suffering. One way or another.
Including me.
Aren't we so lucky. To live in a world stuffed with infatuations, selfish desires, greed, evil, malice, close-mindedness, and pain. To have friends who are suicidal, backstabbers, superficial, idiotic, illiterate...
People say that life is a perfect balance of good and evil. Of redemption and damnnation. Of fear and of frolic. Of truth and of falsity.
Then why is it that I see no good, no redemption, no frolic, or truth?
Why must we, as human beings, who can reason, think, and comprehend thought, sink ourselves to the level of sin and carelessness, and then force others to take the bill for the damage we've inflicted?
Why must we, as one people, sit here and watch bombs explode, guns boom, children cry, men die, women get raped, innocent beings murdered, and issues involving sex or abuse or molestation show up somewhere in whatever TV News Station you turn to, and only shake our heads sadly, refusing to act on such matters because we're so ******** afraid of looking like we Goddamn care about our world?
I don't want to die with regrets. Hell, I don't want to live with them.
But I have no choice.
I am a sinner. A human being. I make mistakes. I sin. I curse. I let Satan have his way with me once in a while.
But I know, at the end of the day, I feel remorse. I feel pain, guilt, and regret. I feel filthy, dirty, and the need to cleanse myself of Satan's sewage.
That's right, everyone. I'm a devoted, total, utter, and complete Catholic.
That automatically makes me a number of things, no?
Go. ********. Yourself.
I need my God. I need my faith. I need my conscience to lead me in the right direction.
And I know I'm getting there, closer and closer every day.
And I will proudly admit this. I will proudly sit here and reveal this to whoever seems to care about my life. Goddamn proudly, I assure you.
And I don't need anyone - ANYONE - calling me a Bible-thumping anti-woman heathen, because I swear to God I'll... I will ********...
*sigh* I don't even know what I'll do.
Don't you just love human nature?
</3
I hate watching people suffer.
I know. "Way to state the obvious, Franny. I don't think a lot of people like seeing others suffer."
Shut up. I don't wanna hear it. ******** off. This is my journal, my rant time, my hour of the day to give the world the finger and devour every moment of it.
I'm tired of seeing my friends get hurt.
I'm tired of seeing my boyfriend suffer from his condition. (He gets tired and hungry really easily. It's an illness. Anyone know the name of it? I forgot.)
I'm tired of my Goddamn cousin thinking she's my sister's mother.
How dare she ******** pull my sister away from me? Physically and mentally and emotionally.
How dare that rotten, dumb wench treat everyone in this household - we provide her with food, water, shelter, and an education (which she chose to push aside in eighth grade, when she dropped out of school) as well as the freedom to do whatever she Goddamn wants to do with her ********' LIFE - like animals except my six year old sister.
I hate watching people suffer. I hate suffering altogether. As well as the pain she's inflicted on our family.
That stubborn b***h needs us more than we need her.
If it were up to me, I'd end EVERYONE'S suffering and make her GET THE ******** OUT and get somone else to take care of me and my precious Isabel.
She doesn't have much time as a child.
Goddamnit.
I want to hold her hand when we go to the mall. I want to kiss her, hug her, and console her whenever I Goddamn want to. I want to be the one she looks to with wide eyes and says, "I have to go potty." I want to be the one to fix her lunch, take her to the park, watch a movie with her, draw pictures with her, ruffle her hair, do her makeup for ballet recitals, help her get ready for piano lessons, drive her to her friends' houses, and most of all...
I want to be the one that she'll kiss on the forehead one day, when I'm in my deathbed, and say, "You were the best sister in the world. Now, you're the best sister in Heaven too."
Damnit, why do I always have to cry like this -
********.
I'm tired of my addiction to this computer. I want to read and write again, damnit! I want to be the prefered one of my friends. I want to be the smart, pretty, respectful, and admirable one of the class.
Alas. The grass is always so much greener in another yard.
I'm tired of people looking at me and thinking, "She's wearing Abercrombie. She has Emporio Armani glasses, her mom drives a fancy car, she's smart... She has no problems in this life."
And it's those ******** retarded people who always get the sympathy. Because precious little Franny doesn't mind being tossed aside, downgraded, and spat upon because she lives in a half a million dollar house, or because she makes all As, or because she's not poor, stupid, or illiterate.
And don't think I'm talking about you, whoever's reading this. I love everyone on my friendslist. I love every single one of you, and adore you, and would go to any extent to assure you that I could be the best friend ever.
I can prove that.
But there are so many things that I can't stand, or deal with, or find the missing puzzle piece for...
I'unno. It just seems that everyone around me is suffering. One way or another.
Including me.
Aren't we so lucky. To live in a world stuffed with infatuations, selfish desires, greed, evil, malice, close-mindedness, and pain. To have friends who are suicidal, backstabbers, superficial, idiotic, illiterate...
People say that life is a perfect balance of good and evil. Of redemption and damnnation. Of fear and of frolic. Of truth and of falsity.
Then why is it that I see no good, no redemption, no frolic, or truth?
Why must we, as human beings, who can reason, think, and comprehend thought, sink ourselves to the level of sin and carelessness, and then force others to take the bill for the damage we've inflicted?
Why must we, as one people, sit here and watch bombs explode, guns boom, children cry, men die, women get raped, innocent beings murdered, and issues involving sex or abuse or molestation show up somewhere in whatever TV News Station you turn to, and only shake our heads sadly, refusing to act on such matters because we're so ******** afraid of looking like we Goddamn care about our world?
I don't want to die with regrets. Hell, I don't want to live with them.
But I have no choice.
I am a sinner. A human being. I make mistakes. I sin. I curse. I let Satan have his way with me once in a while.
But I know, at the end of the day, I feel remorse. I feel pain, guilt, and regret. I feel filthy, dirty, and the need to cleanse myself of Satan's sewage.
That's right, everyone. I'm a devoted, total, utter, and complete Catholic.
That automatically makes me a number of things, no?
Go. ********. Yourself.
I need my God. I need my faith. I need my conscience to lead me in the right direction.
And I know I'm getting there, closer and closer every day.
And I will proudly admit this. I will proudly sit here and reveal this to whoever seems to care about my life. Goddamn proudly, I assure you.
And I don't need anyone - ANYONE - calling me a Bible-thumping anti-woman heathen, because I swear to God I'll... I will ********...
*sigh* I don't even know what I'll do.
Don't you just love human nature?
</3
