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And it's October 21st! Didn't realize it's Back To The Future day, but it's been forever since I watched any of the movies. Life is still as hectic as ever. Two weeks ago, my mom met up with my dad and their lawyers to see what could be done regarding the house. My mom worked like hell to get as much information as possible for the solutions she found, but my dad just said no to every one. The whole time, he was hostile, aggressive and making himself out to be the victim. Cried about being close to retiring, that he was broke, he had no savings left, that he shouldn't be like that at that point of his life... But it's his own fault for moving in with his girlfriend and her two sons. He's paying for everything, so of course he's going to be broke. That's on him, not us. At another point in the meeting, his lawyer said that under the law, my brother and I have to help pay the mortgage since we live there. Mom had kept quiet, but as soon as that was said, she jumped to our defense. "My kids may be adults and I know that's the law, but they don't win much money from their jobs, and even so, they help out with what they can." I think she mentioned me specifically because dad put his head down and didn't say a word. Mom later added that his face was completely expressionless. As the meeting continued, my dad blurted out that he'll move into the house. Mom said alright, that she'll cede her part, but that he had a week to make his decision and tell the lawyers. We started handling what needed to be done if we were leaving, but my grandmother called me. We talked and when the house came up, she confessed that dad had called her. He explained he won't be moving in because he can't pay the mortgage, he's too broke, and that he'll be moving elsewhere. If it hadn't been for my grandmother, we wouldn't have known since he didn't keep his part of the deal. So they've sort of calmed down for the time being, not that I'm unaffected. This situation has really affected me, and not in a good way. I've noticed my behavior lately and I fear I may be close to falling into depression again, which I don't want. I hate reaching that point. It's horrible, it sucks and just makes things difficult. I want to be strong, but being told to hold on, things will be sorted out, have hope don't really help. It's just repeating what I know. I'm trying to hang in there, but sometimes you can't help stumbling once in a while. What makes it worse is knowing my dad really doesn't give a damn about me anymore. I don't exist to him. My brother and I are just a nuisance to his little world. It's depressing to think that about a year ago, we were kind of doing okay, and now it's a 180. We don't talk, and if any conversation is initiated, it's through me, not him. Only time I've seen him this year, I hated it. He acted all happy and nice, like nothing had gone wrong between us. Then he makes a nasty comment about my brother and I had to exercise all the control I had to not reply. But I made a "Gotta go to avoid traffic!" excuse and cut the conversation short. After that, just the car license renewal and he was grumpy about it, even though I'm the one who paid. I asked him to put the car in my name to make things easier, but damn him if I can get it done with how reluctant he is to help out in the least. But I've gotta hang in there...
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