when people don't talk to me
i assume it's because they hate me
when i'm alone
i think i have no friends
i take everything personally
or as a personal attack
i'm too emotional
there are days when i don't leave my room
because i fear that something bad will happen
or that nothing will change
i'm usually right
i don't connect with people
because they don't understand me
i'm so used to loss that
i probably wouldn't fight it
if all of my friends decided to leave me
it's happened before anyway
but i would feel empty
because i thrive on human contact
it's the only thing
that seems to make anything better
but i love too much
and too strongly
i care more about other people than myself
which is why i'm still alive
i'm pretty sure if no one cared
i would have been able to kill myself by now
the only thing that ever stopped me
was not wanting to hurt anyone else
in the process of hurting myself
so i smoke a pack a day and i dont care
i started because i wanted death
now im too afraid of seeming convictionless to quit
i'm scared that
since i can no longer cry
it means that i'm already dead inside
so i drink to feel alive
and i can't stop
sometimes i'm so numb
that i forget to eat, drink, or sleep
and i suffer in silence
never reaching out
because i feel that no matter
who i talk to or how much they care
i'll just be a burden on them
and i would never want that
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by a.c. williams
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