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Today I wanna talk about the thing that I can't find in many (or have trouble identifying in others for what it is), but seem to force myself to have. Something that makes me wonder if more people had it more often, that the world may be better, because each individual just stops trying to be an a**.. or stops trying to load up on some bullshit and spit it back out.. Or maybe it'd be for the worst... Actions are just done with no care and suddenly you hurt everyone and the only characteristic that stands out and matters is the natural shamelessness that arises in such a thing.

It's that thing where you purposely make a mistake and stick to it despite the consequences that you know are there and even the ones you don't know about. It's the thing where you've settled your place and title with another despite your selfish wants; close to nothing having the ability to break you of that title, not even yourself. And speaking of which, it's the thing that we battle ourselves greatly with to wash away the blame, the spite, the hate.. the excuses.. and the regrets.. It can be so small sometimes.. and so powerful.. and even in many cases.. completely insignificant. It can hurt you and heal you. It is that thing, that gumption, those guts, that make us admire heroes and people who walk the line martyrdom. Even then it's the thing we seem to have trouble wanting to find in ourselves.

It can be relentless and disarming... At it's very best, it is the art of emotional self control, and at it's very worst.. it's a terrible excuse. With this you can face armies with no power of your own. You can demolish mountains to accomplish your goals, you can set the world on fire, despite the guilt, to do what must be done. You can lose the closest people to you over whatever it is you feel that reason must be. Pull through any tears that may come. Over any shake and buckle of terror and remorse that may befall you on your actions, this will sing through if you can obtain it. Go ahead, wonder on about the "what ifs" or "if onlys" because this will make you still hold your ******** ground. With This You can get through it... With this.. you can even give up your own life for something you think is better, for something you think is worth it. This is can be many forms... courage... altruism, shamelessness, heartlessness, straight out stupidity...

This... this is Resolve. ... Do you have it?...

Ja ne...

~Mai

[Why did I type this?... I don't know... Just came up. As for the title, I figured a lot is gonna be happening soon in my life and though this does come quite natural to me.. sometimes I don't reflect long enough on my whys and stuff... This entry can help if I needed it, and the title will draw me in if I ever forget. We can lose ourselves easily in life.. I like to make sure that if it happens, I've already left my bread crumb trail.]