So Today we are all sitting there.
Cody my best friend really has to pee and we had to go to the diversion office.
He thought he was going to have a pee test.
Which made him happy because he had to pee.
We leave the diversion place get in the car my best friend starts freaking out.
Me- How was your pee test?
Him- THEY DIDN'T MAKE ME HAVE ONE TODAY!
Me- I'm sorry? haha.
Him- I HAVE TO PEE!!!!!!!!!!
Me- Lets stop some where and pee?
Boyfriend-To cody's house!
Him-NOOOOOOOOOOO IT IS TO FAR!!! OMG! I HAVE TO PEE!
Me-Oh look Cody a river!
Him-AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Boyfriend-Look another river!
Him-[has retarted look on his face][starts to laugh] [leans over on to his girl friends lap]
Me- WTF are you doing?
Alaina-WHAT THE HELL CODY WHY DID YOU JUST BITE ME!
him- I HAVE TO PEE!!!!
Alaina- WELL DONT BITE ME!
Him-AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Me- Another river CODY!
HIM- ******** YOU![Grabs bottle]
Me- DON'T YOU PEE IN THAT BOTTLE I WILL PUNCH YOU.
A white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"Listen sir....when I was born I was BLACK "
"When I grew up I was BLACK, "
"When I'm sick I'm BLACK, "
"When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, "
"When I'm cold I'm BLACK, "
"When I die I'll be BLACK."
"But you sir."
"When you are born you're PINK".
"When you grow up you're WHITE, "
"When you're sick, you're GREEN, "
"When you go in the sun you turn RED, "
"When you're cold you turn BLUE, "
"And when you die you turn PURPLE.
"And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away..
FEMALE COMEBACKS!(:
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together
SO, today in my spanish class...
this one kid mitch randomly stands up during class,
and starts laughing like really hard
and says " hahah im AWESOME"
and sits down.
lololololololol
Since this is my last post, I thought I'd end on a funny note.
So, my friend and I decided to prank call KFC.
*ring ring ring*
Kfc lady: Hello thank you for calling Kfc how may I help you?
Me: Ehem, *cough* my huband is on his was to KFC to get some chicken and I was wondering how big are your breasts?
Kfc lady: I'm sorry honey we don't measure em here.
My friend and I: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ROFL
LMAO
LOL
HAHAHAHAHA
OMG!
*hang up on lady*So the other day.
My moms boyfriend was visiting.
Random converstations always take place.
Him-Do cats have belly buttons?
My mom- ummmm....I don't know. No they don't that wouldn't make sence.
Him- Why not? How do you know they don't have belly buttons.
My mom- Because there are like 5 kittens that get born there would be 5 umbilical cords needed to be cut.
Me-Cats don't have umbilical cords!
Him- So what do all these cats just float around in the mom cat? If they aren't connected that doesn't make sence.
Me-The answer is the stork my friend just as with humans he brings baby cats. That is how babies are born.
My mom- Barb shut up. Kittens are just born.
Me-Fine Mom I'ma let you finnish but my stork story was the best story of all time. Of all time.
My mom- Are you on drugs?
Me- Yes mom I am I sniff Pixie Stixx.
My mom- shut up go feed you turtle.
Me- Peace out girl scout.
sexigrl5:hey
me:hey
sexigrl5:wanna cyber?
me:sure
sexigrl5: I rip my clothes off
me: I get something to eat so I have more energy
sexigrl5 surprised kay, I throw you on the bed
me:you just spilt my nachos, b***h!
sexigrl5: oh yeah, punish me! hit me hard
me: okay, *punches you in face*
sexigrl5:tie me down
me:whatever
sexigrl5: now, suck my tits!
me: i have a more sexy idea
sexigrl5: what is it?
me: I cut off my toe nails and rub them in my butt and make you eat it
sexigrl5:what's wrong with you?
me: well, it all started when I was a kid
sexigrl5: what happened?
me: well, in west philly, born and raised, on the playground is where I spent most of my days...
sexigrl5: dickhead!
so today i was sitting in my music class,
minding my own business,
watching the stupid movie,
when my friend andy thrusted he crotch at me..
me: what are you doing?
him: *moans* ahh kelly.
me: ur really weird.
him: *crotch thrust* ohh yeah.
me: please stop.
him: *moans again* ur p*ssy is soo tight.
me: STOP TYRING TO RAPE ME !
him: *moans again*
me: really now, it isnt funny *me laughing*
him: *thrust*
me: stop !!
*teacher looks up from the book she is reading and gives us "the look"*
me: *looks at him*
him: *looks at me*
both of us: *trying not to die of laughter.
i just thought id share that with you.
emp for your perverted friends.
because you konw you have them
Things to do in an Elevator
1)When theres's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2)Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
3)Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After awhile, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
4) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
5) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
6)Swat at flies that don't exist.
7) Call out "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
cool Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
9) Stare at one of the other passengers for awhile, and then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and then back away slowly.
10) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
11) Stare grinning at one of the passengers for awhile, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
12) Meow occasionally.
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my_lips_made_a_sugar Community Member 
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