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I..do not know what to say. I do not have any words, or an educated enough vocabulary to express myself. I can..only say..that I am sad. I am very, very sad. I very often have random mood swings, but for this sorrow, I have a reason. I am tired of not..being good enough. I am tired of never being fully appreciated for anything I do; whether it be my family or my friends, I am always second best. Whatever I do, it is not..enough. Some will come to me and say, "That can't be true," or try and provide some other false hope. But I have been through, not a lot, but -enough-, in my 17 years of life to see the truth when placed before me. I have been called an optimist, a pessimist. I have been told that I am in my own little world and need to see past the walls I have created. Perhaps it is true. But I do not believe so. I believe that unfortunately, I am right. My family, my friends....No matter who they are, what I do is not..good enough. They hide between their lies and smiles; they hide the truth just to give me that..false hope. That false satisfaction that I always discover later to be exactly that: false. And oh how it makes me..sad. How I long to be good enough. How I long to..to break my habit of saying "I'm sorry". Because maybe I'll find someone..who will give me a reason to stop apologizing for every little thing simply because I can't..do enough. Maybe someone will love me enough to be able to give me real hope, and to show me that I..can do more than enough.
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Community Member
aw! i just want to say even though i don't know you "physically" you are the same as me! and a few others that i know! its not us! its (how cliched) them! people seem to be so self absorbed or stuck in their own ways these days! seldom are we "the logical hard working bunch" appreciated in today's world! i mean we are not the best but damn it we try, we stick our necks out for others and all we want in return is a little recognition a little "i see what you have done for me and i appreciate it, thank you" and if not that just not to have everything that we've done wrong to be thrown in our face when you do something wrong and we point it out or you need to belittle someone else to boost your own self worth! heh maybe thats me then sweatdrop it got a little personal but is it close? to how you feel? XDDD that indescribable sense of self worth clinging on to seemingly nothingness while the ones we trust or look to with love or respect, comfort even beats at us with words that feel ...idk how to put it bats and we are the pinatas or needles and we are the cushion?