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just lose it.
Today has been decent. My mom and little brother went to see the museum of natural history for the billionth time (that place is beast) while I did my kayaking thing that I do so well. We found this huge, huge fish head with the spine still intact. It was seriously freaky. The water had it moving in such a way that it looked like the mouth was opening and closing. It was missing one eye and its head was split open.
One of the instructors said it was a tuna. But I think it was too wide for that.
Anyway, I ended up watching this gorgeous girl in a sundress. There was this huge house on the shore that we sort of rafted up near- it's for sale. I guess they were having an open house or whatever. And rather than being indoors she running around outside, apparently looking for shells or something. She was obviously an older teen, which made it even more adorable.
I felt like a stalker. >_> but I only saw her on accident. I was chilling in my kayak and falling asleep and I just kinda opened my eyes and saw her. I don't think she noticed me or the kids or instructors. But she was pretty.
So this whole thing with my right knee is starting up in the left. I apparently need a second brace, and I have to carry them around with me whenever I'm shopping and s**t. And my mom suggested I lose 20 pounds to help take some weight off of my knees.
"But mom," I complained while pinching (or attempting to pinch) at my relatively firm stomach, "I know I'm not completely toned right now-probably won't be for a while yet, if the injury keeps up and I can't exercize- but you really think I have twenty pounds of fat on my body?"
"No," she said. "It's not about aesthetics."
"Yeah, but I'm gonna end up losing muscle here, too. My thighs are muscular, and that's probably the area that would affect my knees the most. You're saying I have to cut down on muscle?"
"If it'll help your knees, it's worth it."
"But-"
"You weigh 170 pounds. You're going to tell me that all of that is muscle?"
"Maybe 10 pounds of fat. Though it must be really freaking spread out fat."
"Maybe."
"And you want me to lose 20 pounds."
"Yes."
"20-10=10."
"So ten pounds of fat and ten pounds of muscle."
At that I just kinda slouched away and grumbled in frustration.
I know she doesn't mean that I'm fat. She would tell me if I was overweight. When I was eight I was chubby and she sure as hell let me hear about it. She exploded at me about it one time. It hurt, but I've been in good shape ever since.
I know that because of my knee I haven't been running or anything and thus I'm not completely without fat. I know that. I know what I looked like during shot put season and I know what I look like now- not much of a difference, if we're being honest, but during shot put I weighed 165 and now I'm 170.
I know for damn sure that I don't have 20 pounds of pure fat on my body. And even if I do, I don't want to be utterly without it anyway. The human body needs some fat. It's not natural to be completely without it.
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