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*Meeting Ed in Bio*
Dad: WTF? Dani, why's he staring at her like that?
Me: He wants to eat her dad..
Dad/Edward: This b***h wants, me I know it. She's after me. I gotta get outta here!!!
Me: rofl

*Meeting Jacob*
Me: Look dad doesn't he have a pig nose?!
Dad: ********, you're right! Look at that thing! HOW!!! I AM LITTLE CHEIF PIG NOSE!!!!!!
Me: rofl rofl rofl

*Carlisle at the hospital*
Tater & Nell: CARLISLE!!!!!!!!!!!
Dad: *weird obnoxious voice* Also, known as Mr. Pasty Face
Me: rofl rofl rofl
*Edward Saving Bella*
Dad: WHAT THE ******** IS WITH THAT CHICK CAR!!!!!!!???????
Me: THAT'S WHAT I SAID!!!!!!!!!
Dad: BEEP BEEP! OUTTA THE WAY ******** I'M GONNA BE LATE FOR MY MANICURE!!!!!!!!
Me: rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

*Edward drives bella home after creeper attack*
Dad: *sees Bella acknowledge how cold edward is* SHUT UP ITS THE AIR CONDITIONING I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!

*Bella finds out Ed is a Vamp*
Dad: I AM PIRE!!!!!!!!!! *Raises arms up in air* (Pire is Vampire)
Dad: Took You long enough b***h.

*Edward Sparkling*
Dad: WHAT THE ********?! (he sat there and stared at the screen for 10 seconds before he could grasp anything) HE'S LIKE A ******** LITE BRITE!!!!! LITE BRITE f**!!!!!! Careful he only has one peg!!!
Me: rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

*Meeting the Cullens*
Dad: WHO IS THAT!!!!! *points at Rosalie*
Me: Rosalie dad.
Dad: SHE'S HOTT!!!
Me: Yeah dad. That's the point.
*zooms in on Rose's shoes*
Dad: I LOVE WHEN THEY WHERE SLUT BOOTS!!!
Me: Slut Boots?!?!? gonk
Dad: I would so trash her. (He called her slut b***h the rest of the movie)

*Rosalie Playing Ball*
Dad: Where's my slut b***h? Does she play?
Me: Yeah, in a minute cool you're jets
Dad: *Sees Rosalie Running* LOOK AT THOSE HOCKS!!!! (legs)
Me: *face-palm*

*Running away from James*
Dad: VAMPERELLA!!!!! RUNNN!!!!! (Bella)

*Seeing Victoria at the prom*
Dad: idea OHHHHH!!!! THAT'S THAT BAD SLUT!!!!!
Me: XD rofl rofl

*Random tid bits afterwards*
Dad: Why'd it take him so long to find Vamperella?? I mean it's like ********. I just lived in Phoenix.
Me: Dad he's like 90 something...I think.
DAD: NO WAY!!!!!! eek
Tater: Yeah, he's still a virgin too.
Dad: eek eek eek DAMN!!!! MAN THERE WERE OTHER BITCHES OUT THERE!!!!!!! His hand must be really tired then huh?
Nell & Tater: rofl rofl rofl

*Later On*
Dad: dani!!!! Y'KNOW WHAT I JUST THOUGHT OF?????
Me: rolleyes What dad?
Dad: When it's her time of the month he must REALLY go crazy!!!!!
Me: rofl