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Denzel Chapter one... Escape
Welp, I guess I can give you a little information. This is going to be a book, I promise you all. In this story, a young man by the name of Denzel is captured and is going to be turned into what they call an "Expirement". He's taken into a room at fi
Ever since the begging of time, people all over the world were creating things. Now, they are only creating monsters, making humans do their evil deeds like they use to when white people had made slavery. This is my story of when I had escaped the lab. This is my story of hardships throughout the city of what they call the infected. This is the story of family and friends that helped me when I came to them after my escape. Now, you get to know my story, the story that was told in rumors and had been changed, but now, you get to hear it from the one that actually did it.


The blast of the sirens could be heard throughout the lab, telling everyone that it was time for break. It was already noon, and about a hundred degrees out, adding humidity and everyone’s body heat as well.
Chattering was heard all around me, as I sat at one of the beaten up tables. People would only look at me and then turn their heads. If you were smart enough to guess, I was the new guy. I was different than anyone in that god damn lab.
They all looked alike really. You could never tell which one was from which, it was just like a big mirror world to me.
Blonde hair, milky eyes that made them look blind and tan skin from being out in the sun to much. In this part of the lab, it was only guys, on the far west side; it was females that looked just like the men.
One of them came up, ready to pick a fight with me. I looked up at him and cocked an eyebrow. His smirk was big and his chuckle seemed like he wanted to cause a riot after all. I looked up at him still, scoffing and then looking back at the ground like I usually did. His growl could be heard from not scaring me, and then came the hands that grabbed my collar of my uniform. He had picked me up and smirked bigger. Sure he was way taller than me and a lot more muscular, but God, did he have to pick a fight with me of all people that were different than all the rest?
“What now little man, what are you going to do, you can’t even tough the ground with your feet you’re so small,” he sneered and then laughed.
I turned my head a breathed in a big gulp of hair. Holy s**t! His breath stunk like rotten onions and something that seemed like it had died in there.
Of course, he was still laughing, making all the other guys laugh as well, making the whole damn place reek. My breath was a lot nicer because, even though we had no toothbrushes, I had mints and some mouthwash in my cell.
The big blonde brute picked me up even higher and got on top of the table. I was still calm, but knew what was going to happen next. He got a better grip on me and got his hands underneath my stomach and my chest and flung me to the ground really hard. Next, he started up a whole crowd of cheering and yelling and finally jumped off the table and landed right on top of me, knocking the air right out and leaving me there after kicking me in my side.
I was coughing furiously and rolled to my side and gasped for air. Laughter could be heard around me before I was grabbed under my arms and dragged into a room. I had ever been in this room before, but knew what was going to happen. They were going to change me into a brute like the rest of them out there. I was laid on a table and strapped down, not letting me move or anything.
The two people that had brought me in wore white coats like scientists, but they actually weren’t. They were people that were trying to find something to make us stronger for an army.
I looked at the two and glared. One had a needle and the other had something else I couldn’t make out.





Raphael Angello Zanial
Community Member
Raphael Angello Zanial
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  • [07/20/09 06:40am]

  • User Comments: [2]
    Peach Rainbows
    Community Member





    Mon Jul 20, 2009 @ 08:34am


    Wow, this is a really interresting plot for a story.
    Just a few comments. You did a very great job making things detailed, enough so that one could actually immagine it like a little movie playing in their head, and thats great. While reading there were a few words that just seemed a little too frequently used in the Engligh language, and more colorful words may give the reader a little kick in the head telling them to keep reading for something amazing.

    Nothing else along those technical lines, but there are a few questions.
    Perhaps this was meant to be for later in the story, or before, but it remained ellusive as to why your character was being picked on. Did he do something to deserve or provoke it, and why was the other man so brutal? Another question is why your character seemed to have the V.I.P treatment with the toothbrugh and toothpaste, as no mention of the others having such was made. And last, but not least, why are the scientists preparing an army? Is a war about to break out, or are they just meddling in terms that no man should even think about tampering with?

    Again, really really great job. It is very detailed, and gives the illusion of actually being there.


    Raphael Angello Zanial
    Community Member





    Mon Jul 20, 2009 @ 09:29pm


    Haha, let me change a few things then and yes, some of the questions you are asking do come later in the story when Denzel escapes and finds what remains of the rebellious group his friends had made.
    Good luck on your Circus RP by the way as well.
    ~Matt


    User Comments: [2]
     
     
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