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My father is in the hospital for heavy breathing and an irritated heart, I spent all day waiting in an emergency room. I spent hours waiting patiently in the first hospital, while my aunt was being all obnoxious and impatient. I was helping out as much as I could, translating for him, getting him where he needed to go, doing everything that I could do. My aunt was sitting around in the emergency room, chatting with the women, ordering me like every 10 minutes to go get results, calling me good for nothing every time i came back telling her the doctors had not even looked at my father.

By the time it hit hour six, we went to get lunch, after being totally drained from waiting and being tired of listening to my aunt saying i was worthless. After the meal we decided to take him to a second hospital. After getting there and again waiting in the emergency room, I had hit my limit. I cant stand hospitals, i went outside for a breath of air, to clear my thoughts and get away from responsibilities. I get a call about ten minutes later from my aunt to get my worthless a** back in there.i go in to find my father already being admitted and my aunt inside with him, she tells me to go to the car and wait, telling me she would be out soon.

Three hours pass,and i get this phone call from her again telling me to get my a** in there.I go in and help while they transfer him to his room, fill out all the paperwork and her, well she was all bitchy and moody. I say my goodbyes to my father when its time to leave (it was like 1 am at that point) i get back into the car. When we get home my aunt tells everyone she did everything and that all i did was stay in the car that i dont care about what is happening to my father, that
i was not even at his side when he needed me.

Is it my fault that im afraid of death, that im such a coward about hospitals... cant they see i break down every time i see him so helpless... that every time i see him weaker and weaker... than it makes me almost cry?
I just dont know what to do anymore.