Friday, the Thirteenth...
Ugh.... such disgust...
I don't know why I even feel like this...
Maybe it's heading closer...
Day by day..
Minute by minute, more of....
Because here I am, doing nothing
Yet, I feel like....
I don't even know what I feel
I think I feel sad, or whatever it is
Depressed? Maybe, but I don't want to think so
Am I dying?
Or am I just killing myself?
Either way, I guess it'll come soon
Maybe I should just wait for it
Wait for what?
I don't even know
To break down?
To pull through?
I don't know..
What's happening to me?
...
Why am I asking such a question...
When I already know no one would answer
Maybe I already know the answer, too
But I'm unconciously unaccepting of it
You're the only one I can say I love
The only one I want to say I fell in love with
Tell me, why do you not think we can't?
Or won't be able to?
I mean no tone of desperation
I ask only in curiosity?
Do you know the answer?
Then tell why you really think that?
Don't fear of hurting me,
I'm already broken enough as of now
Nothing else can hurt anymore
Nothing... but my own self
Who am I..
What's happening to me?
Where would I be able to go anymore?
Why am I asking those uninvolved?
When will such torture stop?
Will it ever stop?
I don't want to feel this anymore..
I question everything, regardless of importance
I'm not afraid of hurting myself anymore
I just want it taken away
If I'm past my time, then I'll glady go..
I'm not resorting to suicide or anything like that
But, if I'm not supposed to live anymore
Let it happen
I was never really that important to anyone, right?
I never made any changes in someone else's life
I know it's not my purpose to
But, there's really nothing else
Just live my life? For what?
There's nothing, no one I can live for
Why do I wear a mask everyday?
Only showing those who I think would truly understand?
When whatever I say about myself can hurt them
Scar them possibly
Seems impossible? Then you don't know..
You don't know how cold I can act
Even if I didn't want to, I would
If that's what it took to show
But, I know it isn't
It shouldn't be
It haunts
It stings
I'm only a doll...
Waiting for a string to be pulled
Or maybe....
Just waiting for the strings to be cut
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" 'A candle has been lit,
With the brightest fire of the world
Given for it's light and heat
It will guide those who are lost,
Cure those who are blind
And give warmth to those who are cold
It shall burn forever
For eternity..'
:::
Or so it was written
Written in the words
The words of the Forgotten
Nay, the Misunderstood
For which reason, the Misunderstood's brother
Had written his own script
:::
'The candle may be lit
But, how does it guide?
It can't guide those who are...
Blind, numb, and cold
They cannot see,
They cannot hear,
They cannot even feel
The candle lit....
Only reveals who they really are
But makes them wear a facade
The brighter that candle
The greater shadow..'
:::
He could never follow,
He was never guided,
He would never even listen
Oblivious, he was, to everything
...
But, Older Brother...
He started to realize
That he was wrong...
Right?
...
No, Young one..
He was never wrong
But, neither was he even right
He went his own path..
...
But... How could he?
He just left the only way
The only way to find meaning
For his life, right?
...
He left because he didn't listen
He didn't leave the only way
He wanted to find his own
Yet, still he finds none...
...
Who is he even?
...
He is only a boy about 15
Not many know about him
If he rathers it that way
Even he doesn't know
He knows nothing anymore
Not even about his own self
Or his being
I can remember clearly
He wrote things
As if he were two people:
Usually, a child and adult
But, sometimes, brothers, one young, the other older
Showing the split
Between his mind
And the seperation
Of his personalities
Showing it to almost no one directly..
Until he realized how far he was going..
Or at least how far he can't go back..."
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