I feel a bit alone right now... when you know you cant turn to your luv whenever you wanted a hug, someone to hold you, someone to snuggle and tackle and ....
I need someone....
I just need someone, that accepts me like I am....
I got me eyes on someone, but it makes my lil mind think, that this is going over so fast, Im tired of waiting, days, whole weeks, for answers, for a hug, for a snuggle, for a word. Someone that can be trusted in his own way, loyal in his own way, a way that I accept, that I like, I want, I need...
why do I say this... its not like anyone cares....
I know I lost it not a long ago, but there was something missing, there IS something missing... I try my best to pinpoint it down, but its harder than I thought,
you cant say I didnt love him, I gave him my heart, always and forever. He said that I ment the world to him, that his purpose in life would be shattered if I wouldnt be with him, that he was nothing without me.... but I got doubts, things we went through, things I thought would mean more.... there was something missing... something I needed, but I loved him... still it wasnt there, the thing I needed.....
Let my mind wander around aimlessly, alone, if you dont care... I just... I know Im saying the same thing over and over, but there is a reason.. Im trying to find the missing thing, its right under my nouse, I might even know... but its a thing I would wait before saying.... a thing Im scared to mention, a thing that makes my mind wonder what others would do, what others would think... I dont want to be cast out because I got my own way, my special intererst, my unique personality.... I doubt that I will if I keep it to myself, Im so scared of what the reactions will be that my mind wont let me find the words again, I found them before, now hidden in a safe place, if there is a safe place....
you listen to me ramble, if you listen... I doubt you do... catching only a few words when scrolling though, not caring... not like you say you do... words are empty if there isnt thought behind them, if there isnt a life inside of them, if there isnt anything to count on, anything to belive in... anything to make them true.... even if they arent...
the onlything that I can think of is what is missing... and no one cares... I say things I do not mean, I say things that have a hidden meaning, I say things I want to belive... things I want to be... real.... a voice in my mind, telling me othervise... telling me a truth that I cant speack about, that scares me, because those are the things you hide, the face behind the mask, behind the smile, behind the eyes, whitch are the doorways to the soul, closed doors, that only show you a glimps of what they really feel, a feeling they change into something others would accept...
Im rampling my mind out.. but its only a single page... the rest is a book upon a book.. whole collectins, whole series.. but none obviously connected... only if you would read every single word, find the one single clue that tells you that it is a whole, a single story, many chapters... one road...
I want you to tell me if its true, that Im not rambling nonesense, that makes only sence to me.. . I hope someone else understands my messed up thoughts, my strange ways, my insane mind... insane is a word you can count on... listening to the inner voice, a voice you wish had a body, it would be a brother, or a sister, a close friend... someone you could talk to and say things, and trust that every single word would be heard, and that they all would be kept... not a single word, not a single thought would be let loose, lost, into the world, watching people frown and curse at them, that there are sick people, some more sick than others, and the sickest can hide it better than other... and some cant... But there isnt any soul out there that could do that... not totally, only part, never 100%... you cant expect anyone to be real that will agree every word you say, listen to them all, would critisice them, and talk about them, never looking down at you, or up to you.. just equal.. someone that would care about all your thoughts, withought even ones frown at them and dismiss them... there isnt anyone that strong.. and if there is.. someone that loyal, that true... think about the changes that you will meet that person.. changes that you two will ever get the connection you need....
Thats why I got my own mind.. my lil voice.. its my doubt, its my answer, its my truth...
But as I started this madness.. these over flowing thoughts.. I was telling you I needed someone.... that I.. in my unique way.. in his unique way as well... will accept.... each other..... have I found a single soul.. or will I find that single mind.. will I ever find what I need....
I have my doubts.. I have my belives... all I can do is wait for it to come.. for me to notice...
plz comment.... say anything (but plz dont spam... that annoyes me right to the bone stare )
View User's Journal
erotic, not exotic... fruits are exotic
 |
User Comments: [12] [add]
|
Dark stardragon Community Member 
|
|||||||||||||||||
|
Patrick Stewart
Community Member 
|
|
|||||||||||||||
|
Dark stardragon Community Member
|
|||||||||||||||||
|
Dark stardragon
Community Member 
|
|
|||||||||||||||
|
Patrick Stewart Community Member 
|
|||||||||||||||||
|
Dark BlackDragon_Xavier
Community Member 
|
|
|||||||||||||||
|
Dark stardragon Community Member
|
|||||||||||||||||
|
Dark BlackDragon_Xavier
Community Member
|
|
|||||||||||||||
|
Dark stardragon Community Member
|
|||||||||||||||||
|
Trygon
Community Member 
|
|
|||||||||||||||
|
Dark stardragon Community Member
|
|||||||||||||||||
User Comments: [12] [add]
Community Member
when you dont give a sh*t
dont cry for me,
when your eyes are dry
dont hug me,
if you dont want to be close
dont hate me
if you dont understand me
dont love me,
if you havent even meet me
dont come closer
if I want to be alone
dont confort me,
if you see nothing wrong
dont belive my words
if you see the truth behind them
dont leave me alone
if you know I need you....