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I do have to say that I'm going through a period of depression. I feel like I'm worthless and I can't seem to do anything right. I just seem to be in the way and just screw everything up...make it worse.
You know how you have to have that one thing that you know you're good at. Well I can't find mine. I thought it was AFJROTC but it's hard to explain that. I'm on every team that there is. I don't feel like I'm a needed or valued member of any of the teams that I'm on. My friend says other wise. She is a valued member. And she has to say that...she's my friend.
I also thought it was drawing. But another one of my friends is really good at it as well. I think even better me. I know this is going to sound mean but I really want/wanted to be better than her. I look at my drawings and hers and it's just why do I even bother. I mean I love to draw and write but neither of those are the things that I can truly call my own.
I don't think I'm pretty and she's really pretty and skinny. I don't think I'm skinny either. Or smart. It's like in French class. I try really hard but everyone else is getting it so much faster than I am and it makes me feel really stupid.
I don't feel loved. I think that my mother hates me due to the way she acts towards me and yesterdays journal entry.
I'm starting to think...why do I even bother? I'm just holding everyone down. I don't know what I'm going to do...