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2.

“You two sleeping together?”

Someone was poking into my face. Someone annoying, someone who wanted to be punched in the face. I was not a morning person.

Blearily, I opened my eyes to the looming face of Theo’s dad. Well, one of them. Victor hadn’t been shaving lately since he got fired from his job and the hair looked odd on his face. Surprising, actually, and I jolted awake, my forehead knocking into his jaw. Served him right. I’d feel more triumphant if I wasn’t hurt in the process though.

“No,” came Theo’s muffled response from under a pillow. His dad pulled it off and hugged it to his chest.

“Get up, get up, get up,” he said in a sing song voice. Theo lifted his hand to flip him the bird but it fell before the gesture was fully formed. Victor slammed the pillow into Theo’s stomach, resulting in a grunt from the groggy boy. Victor tsk’d him and threw the pillow aside.

“No, Mr. Victor,” I said stumbling off the bed, mindful to keep the pants Theo gave me hitched up above my hips.

He looked me up and down, I’m sure knowing that what I was clad in belonged to Theo.

“By the way, Fern, I put your clothes in the drier.” He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow with an amused smirk splashed across his face.

I couldn’t help but to be slightly embarrassed and I felt my neck grow warm. I still looked Victor in the face though because if I showed even the slightest sign of embarrassment, he’d dog about it twice as hard and twice as long. “Oh… well, you know how it is,” I said nonchalantly. I waved my hand at the two of them as I made my way to the washroom. Before leaving, I saw the blanched look on Theo’s face.

I grabbed my clothes from the drier, rubbing the warm fabric on my face. I hid my underwear in my shirt and made my way back to Theo’s room where they were laughing at something together. I poked my head in and asked if I could take a shower before we left for school.

“Please,” said Victor, his fingers pinching his nose.

I blew a raspberry at him and hurried to the bathroom. It would have to be a quick one since school started in 30 minutes. I was at Theo’s house so often, I had my own deodorant, brush, shampoo, and razor in the bathroom cabinet.

Ten minutes and a scorching shower later, I felt human again. I wrestled with the knots in my hair with the towel firmly wrapped around me. Not even half way through, I heard a light knock on the bathroom door.

“Hey, Fern. Everything alright in there?” Theo’s voice was calm but I could hear the double meaning to those words. It didn’t annoy me that he felt he should check up on me. It was rather touching.

“Everything alright in here,” I said as brightly as I could. My voice is low for a girl and monotonous. Almost always I sounded agitated or depressed. If I tried to add varying affliction in my words though, I just sounded like a goofball. Or just completely drunk. “You need the bathroom?” I asked, taking of the towel and starting to put on my clothes.

“Nah, I’ll just use dads’ bathroom.”

I quickly finished brushing out the tangles of my long hair and put on my clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror, appraising my appearance. My scoop neck sweater was red. I really like red because it seems to make my skin look less gray and almost like a proper skin tone. I pushed my hair forward over my shoulders and tossed it around so it would look wavy. In my head, I’d say sexy. My appearance mattered a lot to me. I didn’t see myself as ugly though I’ve been told I look old, sick, and dying. I looked unusual, but not in the exotic way.

I don’t know. All I know is that I am happy with my thin face, large gray eyes, and my curve-less figure. It took me a long time to get to where I am happy with how I look. I know it shouldn’t be important but it is.

Okay. Enough staring at myself in the mirror; that’s just weird. I vigorously brushed my teeth, not looking in the mirror again.

I got out of the bathroom with my jacket draped over my arm. Making my way to the kitchen where I heard Theo and Victor’s voices, I looked at the pictures along the hallway. No baby pictures, but there were pictures of Theo since he was eight with Victor and Marcellus. Victor was Theo’s foster father and Marcellus was Victor’s husband. It’s been difficult for the family to stay together since the union wasn’t favorable, but they’ve managed.

The pictures made me smile. Theo was a cutie when he was a child.

There was coffee in the kitchen. Glorious, wonderful, delicious caffeine. There was a mug filled to the brim with cream and sugar, just the was I liked it. I plopped down next to Theo and slurped some of the coffee not even bothering to pick it up. I just leaned down and drank a few sips by putting my lips to the brim and inhaling.

“We drink coffee in this house,” said Victor from behind his cup. I sat up straight and cupped my mug in both hands, looking sheepishly into the coffee. Theo snorted and poked me in the ribs. I retaliated by poking him back. Bulls-eye, tickle spot.

Before a tickle fight could ensue, Victor said in warning, “Children.” He didn’t even look at us and kept his attention on the cartoon on the TV. I glanced at my watch and jolted from the table. “Theo, we have six minutes to get to school.” I tugged him from the table. “Up, up, up.” He got to his feet much slower, pulling his keys from his pocket.

“Uh, huh,” he said. He threw his head back and downed the rest of his coffee. “I’m coming.” I rushed outside, flinging my coat on while he put his cup in the sink and strolled outside. I was waiting outside, the truck still locked, and we had four minutes to get to school. We’d be late, no doubt, but we could try to be a little less late.

He unlocked his truck and I jumped in the passenger seat. It was freezing in the cab, frost on all of the windows and the snow was still falling. I buckled my seatbelt and he started the truck, putting the heater on full blast. I thought he’d start driving so we wouldn’t be too late but he sat back, closing his eyes. I tapped my fingers impatiently on the arm rest between us. My first period was AP English Composition and Mr. Khalan was a beast. And not in a good way.

Theo leaned his head back against the head rest, his eyes closed. He looked so tired and I felt immensely guilty. I stopped tapping my fingers, laying my hand flat against the arm rest. The frost on the windows was so thick that it would take fifteen minutes or more for Theo to clearly see while he drove. I felt reprimanded for my impatience.

I leaned my head back. Now that I’ve slowed down, I realized I did not feel good. My head was aching and I couldn’t breath through my nose. What else was to be expected when you passed out in the snow for over an hour. I tried to sniffle to clean out my nostrils and it racked through the silence in the truck. Theo stirred and he place his hand over mine on the armrest.

Not moving, I compared our hands. His was larger than mine but not monstrously so. The fingertips were calloused from the guitar he played and his knuckles were scarred when he--

I didn’t feel like thinking about that right now. In our silence, though, it was not difficult to let my mind wander. It’s not terribly complicated. He just punched somebody over and over in the face until his knuckles split. The other guy, he wouldn’t leave this girl alone at a party. He was rubbing her leg and saying nasty things to her. She was drunk and didn’t understand the situation, that much was obvious. She playfully slapped him away, thinking it was just the alcohol talking. The guy was completely sober, the cup in his hand filled with every drop of Jack Daniel’s that it had an hour ago.

Her name was Laura. When Theo saved her (I suppose that would be the proper way to explain how he helped her) when the guy was dragging her roughly away from the rest of the party, they eventually started to date. That lasted for a month and a half and they’ve been broken up now for a week or so. I don’t try to count how many girls Theo dates, there has been a lot since middle school.

Calling Theo my best friend was odd. Sometimes, I didn’t see him for weeks. We both would just be busy with living our own lives. When things happened, we pick up right where we left off. It’s not that the only time I see him is when I’m seeing s**t. I like to be around him. I really like to be around him and that’s why I didn’t feel like thinking about those scars on his knuckles. A reminder that I was in ‘the Friend Zone’. These feelings for him are relatively new, and it’s weird.

Nope. Don’t want to think of that at all. Friendship is nice, relationships look like a pain in the a**. But when he placed his hand over mine, I couldn’t help but think how nice it felt-

Oh, ick. Feelings. I wish I was as apathetic as I sounded.

It was getting hotter in the truck and I could feel my eyes drooping. School started five minutes ago. Maybe, Theo and I could skip school together. He skipped every so often, not enough to jeopardize his grades, but the last we had skipped together was our freshman year; the only time I have skipped in my life. I hung my head. I was boring. It was like my gray appearance leaked into my personality. Maybe I was gray on the outside because I was gray on the inside.

“What are you thinking about?” Theo turned his head to look at me, his hand still atop of mine. I pulled my hand away, the contact made my stomach stir.

“You want to skip today?” I asked, as if I wasn’t a goody two shoes.

He jerked his body up, slapping his hands against the steering wheel. “Ho, oh!” he exclaimed. “Ferny is a bad girl.” He waggled his eyebrows at me suggestively.

“Gah!” I threw my hands up in the air. Never show embarrassment, he was just like Victor. I had to stop myself from hiding my face behind my hands else he’d continue. I settled for punching him in the shoulder. It hurt me more than it hurt him.

He threw the truck into reverse and turned the radio up. “Before you change your mind and jump out when we pass the school,” he said as he locked the doors.

Fifteen minutes late we blew past the school. I couldn’t help but look out the window and swallow my nerves.

“Uh, uh. Not regrets. Eyes on the road, Fern.” Theo said, putting his right hand on top of my head and twisting it around to look out the windshield.

“Why?” I said. “I’m not driving, you are. And you should be wearing a seatbelt.” What if we got in a wreck? I didn’t say it aloud and I pushed the thought from my mind. No gruesome thoughts today- no hallucinations. I declare this day Fun Day. Fun Day full of naughty things like skipping and loitering.

I really was a goody two shoes. My face blanched at my inner monologue.

Using his knee to hold the wheel steady, Theo buckled his seat belt while rolling his eyes. “Let’s get breakfast first,” he said as he pulled into a McDonalds. He ordered two egg McMuffins, two breakfast burritos, and two coffees, requesting cream for me.

I ripped into my burritos, but he kept his egg McMuffins in the bag and just slowly sipped his coffee. The burritos were devoured in record time.
“So, what’s next on our day of naughtiness,” I said sipping my more-cream-than-coffee coffee.

He scoffed, some of the coffee in his mouth dripping back into the sip hole. “It’s just skipping Fern. It’s not that big of a deal.” His eyes shone with his humor and I refrained from punching him in the arm again. One, to save myself, and two, to keep coffee from spilling into his lap. Didn’t want to burn his balls.

Wait. Friends didn’t have genitalia. Oh, god. When did Theo become a guy? And not just a guy. An -dare I say it?- attractive guy.

“Let’s… do something. Anything. This is Fun Day,” I exclaimed, pumping the hand without the coffee into the air in a fist. It smacked against the roof and I winced at the multiple pops from my fingers.

His shoulders shook from his chuckles. He put his coffee in the cup holder and draped his arm around my shoulders. Smooth, muscular, and heavy and I wanted to lean into it. Oh, but wait. I am Fern and I’m not big on physical contact. I should be shucking his arm away right about now. I did that and twisted my body to glare at him. I’d like to think I saw a slightly hurt look on his face but what do I know? I see things all the time.

I wasn’t paying attention to the road and didn’t notice we had turned around until we had reached my house. I looked at him questionably.

“If you recall, we only got a few hours of sleep last night. If I don’t crash for a few hours then I’ll crash in the truck. Not much of a ‘Fun Day’ is it?” He had an amused smirk on his face. I sniffled loudly again, rubbing my head.

“That actually sounds like a good idea. I’m really not up for much fun today and I need to recuperate so I can run Rick’s station this afternoon.” At the mention of Rick, I remembered his wife. I hung my head sadly and looked at my pale hands, paying particular attention to the left, which was red from punching Theo and the roof of his truck. He shut off the truck.

“Listen Fern,” he sighed heavily. “Mourn so you can heal, okay? But don’t think you can’t have fun or laugh because Mrs. Martin is… gone now. Also, don’t make yourself sad because you think you should be. You know-”

I held my hand to stop him. “I know. I know. I’ll be careful, or something,” I mumbled.

He placed a finger under my chin to make me look at him. I stared him in the eyes; I always looked people in the eyes. This was slightly difficult and I had to restrain from averting my eyes.

“Come stay with me at night. Just until you’re done feeling sad.” His mouth was set in a firm line. He’d nag me and I debated denying him so he would ask me again. That would be ridiculous and I knew it. I entertained the idea though. I have read that playing hard to get was attractive. Definitely ridiculous.
He was about to ask me again, but I interjected. “Yes. I’ll stay with you until I’m feeling better. I’ll bring my sleeping over tonight when I get home from working at the Station.” It was very comfortable in your bed last night though, I added to myself mentally. Why would I be playing hard to get in the first place? I needed to stop reading Young Adult novels, lest I start acting like I was in one.

“Your brother at work today?”

“Yeah, he probably just left.” Jimmy was a journalist for the local news paper and worked six days a week. The press always seemed to be understaffed and he sometime went in Sunday. This past year I have been living with him and it has been smooth sailing. I do what I want as long as I don’t cause him problems. If I do, then he’ll ship me to Egypt where my parents are.

Theo shut off the truck and leapt out. I followed at a much slower pace tumbling out of the truck. I shut the door, but not hard enough and I had to bang my hip against it to close it all the way. I was feeling worse. When I walked up the three stairs to my stoop, Theo was tapping his foot impatiently, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. Sometimes, his excitement made me think he was too alive for me.

After I unlocked the door, I threw it open proclaiming loudly, “Welcome to chez Fern!” My voice never changed tone. I went to the thermostat and turned the heater on. It was starting to get chilly in the house since Jimmy had left.

I shucked off my jacket and it landed on top of my backpack. I blinked at the bag. It really would have been pointless to go to school. I would have had no supplies and I would have been the bitching magnet for my teachers.

Theo’s jacket hung of the side of the couch that he was lounging in. Already he was flipping through the channels. His quest for entertainment on the tube was futile. There would only be news and Nick Jr. Tossing the remote aside, he threw the blanket he was under aside and went over to the shelf containing the DVD collection. I toed my shoes of and went to the kitchen for pop corn.

This was how Theo and I could be; companionably silent. I knew he’d pick out a good movie and he I’d make popcorn covered in lots of white cheese powder that made out breath rank. I thought back to the last time we watched a movie together as I made the popcorn. I discovered that it had been back in October for our scary movie marathon. Well, he watched the movies. I peeked at the screen from behind my fingers every so often.

With popcorn generously caked in white cheese and two cokes gripped in the other hand, I made my way back to the living room. Oh, good. A comedy. I thought, plopping down next to Theo. Before my butt even touched the cushion, his hand was groping in the bowl for a handful of popcorn. We settled in to watch ‘Space Balls’, but the gigantic ship wasn’t off screen yet when my head drooped and I was already dozing off.