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Just thoughts... the things I think of...
004: feeling lonesome...
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I feel somewhat empty... lonely... I was walking around today, yesterday and last friday alone... after school... all did was walking around the city getting lost as usual... I always wanted to be free and experience the world outside... but it isn't all that good without company...

When I think about you can tell it's me because I'm the only girl who keeps on wearing her school uniform everywhere she goes and alone...

I never talk unless I go into a restaurant to eat... which I don't do much... because it also lonely eating... I even went to a playground that used to be always full of kids playing on the metal swings but not now these days... it's so odd..

I can't but feel... all alone once again even though I feel happier here... but yet all I got from this new life is just bit more freedom and more experiences but still I have no one to share it with making the feel of new things... bitter... sour... boring... useless... pointless and such feelings of apathy...

Nothing is enjoyable now then again when was it ever been... my only haven is the net... but yet it's also empty... I just long to have a companion...

Anin Meister
Community Member
Anin Meister
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  • User Comments: [1]
    Community Member

    Sun Oct 26, 2008 @ 05:50am

    I feel for you, I'm pretty much the exact same way as you right now. Thing is, I've been pretty much secluded since the 7th grade, I had to quit Public and go into homeschooling since the bullying and the harassment I endured every day was destroying me from the inside, and the teachers didn't give a thought to help me out. Not long after things were going ok, just enough to bear, so I decided to go out and have a walk in town, only to be ambushed by those that hated me in school. Beaten, and left walking back to my home with a limp, and quite noticeable gashes and bruises, I practically never went anywhere, except to the store to get food, and even then I'm fidgity and very alert. This was six years ago, and now the only friends I have are on the net, since the small amount I did have in public albeit forgot I existed, and since then I have been very alone... And what depresses me even more, is the fact that everyone around me has found someone to love, and to hold, and I'm left standing there very out of place by myself (usually Im just sitting in a chair away from them, but you get the point) The very rare chances I have had of finding love have blown up in my face... everytime I even get the slightest bit happy, there's always another jealous being, usually one who looks at me like I'm a pile of puke, and takes them the one I love from me, right in front of me... and they win, they always win. I don't understand what's wrong with me, and I've just about given up on the love thing entirely, I just want to be around someone, and to find my purpose in life. Because as of right now, my life doesn't mean anything to me at all. Working practically everyday, and not talkingto anyone while you work is not the life for me, and I'm tired of living it this way. I want out, I want to be happy, for once without it backfiring, and I just want to be acknowledged as a human being, fit to be loved. Trust me, I know how you feel, I really do, To the point where I just want to cry. I just wish I could find a companion that wouldn't be convinced by some other man to leave me. Gah I rambled, sorry.

    User Comments: [1]
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