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Ah, the stormy days are rollin. I love the stormy weather more than anything. The only downside is my skin turning pale and an occasional shiver fit, but it sure feels great. Especially rain, I love rain. I wish it would just chill you right to the bone.

But anyways, now I'm here to speak about the warmth of love. (Yes, very corny. Don't throw up yet.) It seems I've ran into an old friend. Utter boredom. I feel as though nothing exciting has happened to me yet (Other than that one time on the bus with that one girl, but that's another story) And the same thing runs in my head: I need a new girlfriend. the last one (My first, joy) seems to utterly confused with me and her partner just hates my guts with every fiber in her body. Not that I find this a problem, I don't care much for the 'evil' (Only because she hates me, anyone who hates me is defined evil from that point on in their life) girlfriend my ex is currently dating. It's not even because she's a girl, either. She's just all... boring. On the other hand, my ex girlfriend seems to have lost many of her friends but seems as though she wants to be with me, only as a buddy-buddy. Of course, this does not bode well for me, as I still want her to be my girlfriend (Oy vey, how very frustrating sometimes) and that she'll soon realize she loves me, yadda yadda yadda, the end. (A favorable dream, but has a very good chance it will never happen.)

So to avoid all the trouble that getting this ex-girlfriend back would pose, I decided I need to talk things out with her first, evil girlfriend after that, (I laugh now) and then proceed to find one of the girls who really liked me at work, and hang out with her for a while. (My charm has no bounds, except for the people who are reading this and laughing their heads off, or just want to kill me. Evil girlfriend, I see you)

Basically, the point is that even though us two (Ex and I) still see each other around, it means two totally different things for us. Again, as stated before, I believe she just wants us to be friends after I removed myself from the circle. I want her to be my girlfriend, and Evil Girlfriend is already her girlfriend. So she's most likely going to earn the award for 'biting off that guy's head' cuz I know she'd do that. She's crazy. That's what everyone else says, not me. (Hate points keep on stackin, don't it?)

But the thing is: I removed myself from the group so that I wouldn't interfere with their love. (Aww, I do care)

I still wish it were some other way, but this is how it's gotta be sometimes, ya know? You just can't have everything, and us three prove it. Well, in the form of: Me likey that girl, other girl say no, they no likey me, I go outside in the rain and dance until my heart yearns for my triumphant return. It just doesn't happen. And this is different from a lie, because its the truth. I find myself thinking: Why do I want this? and I can't find an answer other than just wanting love. Then I wonder everyday: doesn't she even care about me, like before?

But both questions are easy to answer. I want this because we were so alike, you could slice us down the center and we'd be just the same. She has her doubts about herself, but deep down its there. And I already know she cares. I just left the group so she doesn't trust me anymore. Yet, we still want to be together, just in different senses. Now that I think about this, I'm not sure whether she should talk with me again, even though just today I said it would be alright if she would. I'm just so damn confused. I look at this every way, everyday possible. (And she says she's turning insane) I never look at her gaia anymore. The bad memories just pop up like they never left. And when i see her, my heart literally feels as though it's stopped and clogged at the same time. Damn, what's the point of complaining?

I need a new girlfriend. Someone who'll take good care of me. I think about so many other girls, and I just smile. Why does the one I like cause me the most problems? It hurts her too, maybe. Sometimes. I dunno. She cares for me, but I just think she doesn't care enough. Well, not enough to trust me when I give her advise, or when I ask her my own questions. She just sits there and takes it, never giving anything back. And as an artist, that's the worst reception you can receive. The worst comment, is 'no comment'.

So I guess I've decided. (Took me long enough) Although, we'll still talk, it must be by my terms. I've played their game long enough, it's my turn. Maybe this journal entry is the final move, maybe it isn't. At least they've read what I've said. Now all they gotta do is understand me. Only then can they can have me back, if they even want me back at all. (They're doing just fine by themselves, anyone would)

Say of the Day: It's not the answer: It's the question that makes us think about what is at hand. Try to understand what is put in front of you.

Good night.