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All my friends already know about this. About a week ago I had a depressing thought. Have you ever thought about what would happen if you died. Or were so mutilated you cant be reconized. Would they laugh? Would they cry? But in a way, I dont even want to know. Is that confusing, because it has me so fustrated. You feel like you need people, you want to be with them, but you just want them to leave you alone. That feeling, it makes me feel like Im being torn apart, and I hate it. I hate it so much. Because of this, I find it difficult to show affection, or pay attention to people. Between periods of loneliness and forced isolationism, I do pay attention to people. I do show affection. But I just end up hurting them....

In the end, I believe it is all due to my lack of self-esteem. Doubting one's self only leads to a downward spiral. And I bet you cant guess whats at the bottom...

P.S. Please, no comments trying to make me feel better. Let me wallow in self-pity