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Jorge's Rant #1: Internet Relationships |
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In a single sentence, internet relationships don't work. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about internet friendships. Those work very well. You have the talking, the laughing, and all of the stuff that comes with friendships. The internet is a very good place for friendships. No, I'm referring to the internet relationship. The GF/ BF relationship.
By the way, the BF/GF thing? Also really annoying to me. When did it become too hard to type out entire words? I mean, far be it from anybody to strain their fingers while typing out a few extra letters. Oh, that's just too much! But, I digress. That's a subject for a different rant.
Anyway, the internet relationship as a whole does not work, in my opinion. I mean, sure you can have the great conversations, the laughter, the exchanging of stories, and the whole meaningful emotional relationship. But, as a whole, that is still a friendship. That's all that is. A very deep friendship. There is no need to make it anymore than that either. It is perfectly fine as it is. Seriously. No need to get any more attached than that. But, noooo! People have to start flinging the words "Love" and "Relationship" into it. Which almost always signals the beginning of the end, in my opinion.
You see, that's when stuff will start to go horribly wrong and the friendship(which was fine) turned relationship(which was a mistake) will almost invariably end. I've seen this go down a couple of ways. One: The relationship is treated as nothing more than a side thing of no importance. This is probably the best of them. This means that, although words like "love" and "relationship" were brought into it, neither party takes it very seriously. They see it as the same friendship with different labels on it. Really, this is more of a reassurance tool than anything. I mean, hey, who doesn't like coming home from a long day to have somebody say "I love you"? Even if it is only over the internet, it gives a person an emotional boost that makes them feel better. No problem there. This relationship invariably ends on pretty good terms, with both parties eventually losing interest and moving on with little fuss because they never took it seriously in the first place. They probably even remain friends. This scenario is a pretty good one.
Two: One party takes the relationship way more seriously than the other person does. This will end badly for one or both of the people involved. See it goes like this, the person who is actually taking the relationship seriously will start wanting to know a bit more about the other person. Whole name, place of birth, address, birthmarks, phone number, favorite sexual position. Ya know, personal questions. Or, as the less involved person sees them, stalker questions. Ya see, the internet allows us a bit of anonymity and that is just what some people are looking for. When the serious person starts questing into the less serious person's more personal life, the less serious one starts feeling the shell of anonymity break and feels a bit more exposed then he or she'd like. So that person will lash out at the other, saying to back off or something like that. The serious person responds with "But I thought we were in a relationship!" and then the less serious one falls back on "You've never even met me!" Then arguments of this type start and become more frequent until (A) the one who was less serious just starts avoiding and ignoring the other or (B) the now obsessive and stalkerish one gives up and starts to mope around his house, refusing to go online for a long, long time. This scenario is a bad one for most involved and, really, yer lucky if it doesn't end with violence and a weird story on the news about an internet stalker.
Three: Both people take the relationship seriously, but the distance invariably tears them apart. This is the prime example of internet relationships and is actually sort of the saddest. Both parties have a strong emotional bond and actually love each other, but they lack the means to actually meet face to face. Because don't let all the emotional connectons in the world fool you, people need a physical relationship with those they love. Even if it's just holding hands, they need it. Especially if they actually do love each other, the knowledge that they may never be able to consumate their relationship physically(or even see each other face to face) will eventually come to haunt their thoughts a lot of the time. Eventually, they will come to realize that they are only going to end up with long term pain if they continue what is essentially a doomed relationship and they will end it. It will be a painful thing for both of them, but they will do it in the end.
Four: Pretty much the same as the third one except the people do have the means to go and see each other in the flesh. Now I know what your thinking. "Well, Jorge, doesn't that mean that they'll meet and see each other for the first time and live happily ever after forever and ever in magical love-love land!?" Well to that I say.....shut the ******** up. Magicall love-love land doesn't exist in this scenario and should never be spoken of again. Just imagine that magical love-love land has gone the way of the dinosaurs and died a horrible fiery comet death. Ok? Ok. Anyway, the two have the means to meet fae to face and do so, after lots of talking on the internet about how great it will be and other such sappy bullshit. Then they meet. Now, remember the whole "anonymity of the internet" thing I mentioned earlier? Well, that's always there. No matter who you're talking to or what you're doing, you still have that safety cloak of the internet to keep you safe. This makes you act different than you usually do. Things you would normally never say or do in real life become commonplace to you on the internet. You don't even think about these subtle changes, but they are there. Because you know that the repercussions of what you do and say are different, you inherently act different. Which is why this scenario usually ends with either one or both of the parties realizing that the person they knew on the internet is entirely different from the person they now see before them. This is usually enough to end the relationship right there. Usually this one ends with minimal fighting and heartbreak though. There is the odd "I don't even know you! You lied to me! Blahhdy Blah Blah!!" stuff, but not as often as you'd think.
Now these are the four common scenarios. Now, I know what you're gonna say. "What about the ones who do meet and love each other and live happily ever after in magical love-love land!?" Well, to that I say....I thought I said no more magical love-love land! Bad imaginary question asker! Bad! No more questions for you! Go to the corner! Anyway, I will admit that they do happen. Some people get lucky and have successful relatioships that started over the internet. Of course, some people also get married to people they got into horrendous car crashes with. It's really all a matter of chance. In the end, though, I would say the internet relationship is one of the less likely to work out this way.
In conclusion, the internet relationship is a flawed enterprise. Far too many things can go wrong and far too little things can go right. Not to mention the fact that the internet relationship is asking a lot of people. Not only a hell of a lot of time and effort, but it also asks them to ignore the fact that there is possibly thousands of miles between them and little chance to ever come together. It's an inherently doomed process, people. So, do yourself and the others involved a favor and just pass on the internet relationship thing. Stay friends all you want, but just don't take the final step into what becomes a futile and useless practice. Seriously. You'll be happier for it and so will most of your friends. Nobody wants to hear you whine about a relationship, let alone one that is with a person a thousand miles away. So just say no to internet relationships. This has been The Mighty Jorge ranting at you. Thanks for the time.
The Mighty Jorge · Wed Jul 27, 2005 @ 01:11pm · 2 Comments |
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