Slipping.
I know I am.
For so long,
holding it back.
But now its coming.
Coming to take away everything,
Everything I know,
Everything I have.
And I can't stop it.
I can try
in all my pathetic desperation.
But it will come.
I can tell
With my glassy eyes
My demented smile
My acts of secrecy
Trying to find control
To scramble for a scrap of sanity
But.
I can't find it.
I had held it in far too long,
convinced I could do it.
But I can't.
Every day, a bit more slides apart
Until one day.
It will be undone.
And on that day.
I will be undone.
And I will fall,
Into the never-ending pit
Of despair
Helplessness.
Pain.
Until death comes.
I will take my life, of course.
Quietly, gently, carefully
So there won't be a mess
It will be the endless sleep
So delicately described in poems
Maybe a handful of pills,
Mixed just so.
Death.
So final,
So forgiving.
Then I'll be free.
I know I am.
For so long,
holding it back.
But now its coming.
Coming to take away everything,
Everything I know,
Everything I have.
And I can't stop it.
I can try
in all my pathetic desperation.
But it will come.
I can tell
With my glassy eyes
My demented smile
My acts of secrecy
Trying to find control
To scramble for a scrap of sanity
But.
I can't find it.
I had held it in far too long,
convinced I could do it.
But I can't.
Every day, a bit more slides apart
Until one day.
It will be undone.
And on that day.
I will be undone.
And I will fall,
Into the never-ending pit
Of despair
Helplessness.
Pain.
Until death comes.
I will take my life, of course.
Quietly, gently, carefully
So there won't be a mess
It will be the endless sleep
So delicately described in poems
Maybe a handful of pills,
Mixed just so.
Death.
So final,
So forgiving.
Then I'll be free.
