Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

What's ******** up, and everything's allright.

So, I got a little pissed today, and I was told.. basically ******** threatened, to not make a post. To not defend actions that people have taken. To not stand up for the actions of myself, and of the people I respect.

Now, i understand why I was told not to. I even understand why I was threatened. Now, when it comes down to it, it was unnecessarry and, quite frankly, insulting as hell. Not like I haven't been doing this for over a ******** year. Not like I don't know that my words and actions carry consequences, ramifications. No. Just because i'm angry, everyone thinks I shat my head out, and am now running on adrenaline, no brains. Thanks for the vote of confidence, by the goddamn way. Just becaus I'm angry, doesn't mean I'm suddenly stupid. It doesn't make me a 4 year old that you have to coddle and give cookies until he stops pissing himself. And it sure as ******** doesn't mean I'm not thinking about what i'm saying or doing.

I know, they wanted to protect me, and themselves, and everything else. The path of least resistance, yeah.. I know. So sue me. I'm an a*****e, that should come as no goddamn surprise. Best interests, all that. I get that s**t. I get it all too well. I also get how it is to be crippled, weakened. I get how it is to be unable to speak your mind, and say what you think, feel and by god, know. How trapped and impotent people can make you feel, all the while, unkowingly, they're being condescending, coddling, overprotective, judgemental, and ultimately, damaging, more than they think. I've been there all too often to not know. I've been on both sides of valid arguments. I'm also not some hayseed that fell off the ******** tractor yesterday. I'm not some drunken b*****d who's going to walk into a barfight and piss himself at the first sign of provocation.

Goddamnit, I thought you people had more faith in me. Hell, maybe even a little respect. But what I got from all that? That you guys don't trust me not to piss into the wind. Not to go out and make a situation worse. I was planning on Calmly and collectedly presenting facts. That's it. Not get into a fight. Not start a flamewar. But to show people who spew mountans of bullshit, full of lies and backtalk, and twisted, distorted angles of reality, that the facts of the situation are very different. To let the people who read this know what really is going on. To let people know the other side of the angry user. See things from a perspective that they don't really have easy access to.

The response I was told to give, was that "we're not involved". Let the anger burn out on its own power. Let the people already involved handle it. Because, we're not hated by the majority right now. Sit down. Breathe. relax. Take a break. Yeah, that's a fully viable solution, too. And I should step back, and show them I trust their judgement as well, by respecting it, and not posting. Not allowing anger to fuel my defense. Because, at the end of the day, we're still a team. And now I know, that if the team disagrees with you, it doesn't matter what you say. You're wrong. You're irrational. You can and will be punished. Should it come to that.

Guess I know my place now, huh?

I'm still pissed, but more about how it was handled than anything else. I know you guys, and I do trust you guys.

Just the way you treated me felt like a kick in the balls.

And in the long run, yeah, you're going to be right, and I should probably be told to go take a flying ********. But hey, won't be the first time.