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My friends say that I should just be patient and don't bring it up again with my mom. That's fine with me because I am tired, oh so tired of talking. I never thought that this would be so hard to go through with my mom. Now I understand why I was in denial in the first place. Why other kids go into denial. It pains me to see this side of my mom. At times it seems surreal. Is this really happening? The person I thought that my mom was, has died before my eyes. Is that image ever going to come back? I doubt it but all I can hope is that in time, everything will be better. My mom knows how touchy feely I am, is having my arm around that girl's waist so wrong? It didn't mean anything, did it seem that way? My mom has a tendicy to make things more then they really are. Which is why when I saw her car being park when she was suppose to be park somewhere else, I am really worried and scare. It pains me that I had a right to be worried and scare. At least she hasn't kick me out yet or gone to any other extremes. I wonder, my mom once told me that in a traditional spanish families. The parents would rather have a straight slut of a daughter then one who is bi- or homosexual. Would my mom had been happier if I was a slut? I doubt it but I can't help what comes out of my mind. All I am doing is letting my fingers move without thinking. It lets me get my true emotions out. I don't know anything anymore. I can't tell my mom anything, I thought I could. I thought that I could find out who I am with her help or at least her support. It appears that I don't have that. Is she still in shock? I guess this will teach me patient. Something very important and that I need to most. I wish I could go back into time and.......never tell her. Tell her maybe years later when........that doesn't mean the outcome could be different, does it? I shouldn't think about it anymore. I need something positive to focus on that will make me happy. Maybe I should focus on videogames again. It was and maybe still is my way out. My way of enjoying myself. Find a place to be happy and stay there. Till I am force to get out. Maybe I am making too much out of everything. I won't bring it up again and if she does, I will change the subject. Tell her that it's my privite life and I don't want to dicuss it anymore. She doesn't want to listen so I will give her nothing to listen to. I don't know anymore. I think the best thing to do is keep my mouth shut and play things by ear. I think that"s all I can do. Is there more I can do? I wish I do know.

Well that's all I can say right now, ttyl