Hey look, it's me!

Killer_Cactus23's avatar

Last Login: 01/02/2017 8:12 pm

Registered: 09/15/2007

Gender: Female

Birthday: 04/25/1990

She's cool. I wanna talk to her.

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Stuff I've Said

Posts per Day: 0.22

Total Posts: 1321

Latest Posts

Journal, AKA That Thing I Don't Keep

View Journal

A Botanist's Diary

An odd collection of tidbits that need to be posted in the public eye. Might occasionally contain plant news.

Playlist

Unable to identify Vimeo video URL.

Stalkers

Talk to meh.

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Wolf McWolferson Report | 04/25/2023 2:09 am
Happy Birthday!
Wolf McWolferson Report | 04/25/2022 2:59 pm
Happy Birthday!
Wolf McWolferson Report | 04/25/2021 11:25 am
Happy Birthday!
Wolf McWolferson Report | 04/25/2020 5:31 pm
Happy Birthday!
Wolf McWolferson Report | 04/25/2019 6:19 pm
Happy Birthday! ^^
Wolf McWolferson Report | 04/25/2018 4:50 pm
Happy Birthday!
Wolf McWolferson Report | 04/25/2017 5:48 pm
Happy Birthday!
Wolf McWolferson Report | 04/25/2016 2:41 am
Happy Birthday!
Wolf McWolferson Report | 04/25/2015 7:39 am
Happy Birthday!
Wolf McWolferson Report | 04/25/2014 4:51 am
Happy Birthday! ^^
 

Profile Thingummy

A boy of about fifteen walks into the middle of a pagoda. There are twelve rows of twenty chairs set up in front of him, with a smattering of people sitting in them. He holds note cards in his hands, which he shifts in irritation.

"This is the third profile," he mutters to himself, "and I still can't get her to update it herself. Damnable lazy woman." An audience member yawns, and the boy gives her a Patented-Glare-o'-Death before beginning.

"Hello, yes, welcome. The seminar will begin now. I hope you are all seated comfortably?" He receives blank stares in response, his cue to go ahead. "This brief discussion is to familiarize you with the persona called The Killer Cactus.

"Some of you may recognize her from earlier profile pages; if you do, this is purely coincidental, as she happens to be hiding from the IRS. These are not the droids you are looking for. Stop calling us; it makes the cats crazy."

Several muscular workmen wheel a large projector screen into the pagoda, and the boy sighs as a wave of familiarity overtakes him. "Due to our unusual surroundings, we've decided to dispense with the PowerPoint presentation," he says to the men, in an attempt to delay the inevitable.

"Sorry, guy," one says, "we got orders from higher up."

Dejectedly, the boy continues. As the first slide appears, sent from a well-hidden projector concealed in a tree, an audience member in the back row begins snoring. "Here you can see the many hobbies of The Killer Cactus. She enjoys reading and writing; she has completed her first book and is working on her second. She is proficient at HTML and CSS coding, though she has yet to figure out the Gaia profile setup. She also prefers to spend her free time raising her many, many plants, particularly cacti, of which she is raising a deadly army to complement her attack butterflies. When she isn't doing these things, she's either in school or sleeping, by which I mean they've given her the tranquilizers and she'll be out for a good hour or so; go ahead and put the straight jacket on her."

A few people have perked up at the words "straight jacket," either in fear or with a look of loving familiarity. Either way, the audience is now somewhat paying attention, save for the one man in the back row who continues to snore away. "The next slide contains personal information," the boy continues stoically. "Due to The Killer Cactus' paranoid need for secrecy, much of this information has been either censored or falsified. Since you are not to believe anything she tells you anyway, this is nothing out of the ordinary.

"Her hair is not naturally purple, despite what she tries to make you think. She is that pale, however, perhaps even paler. She goes by many names, none of which she will list here. You may call her The Almighty, if you do not wish to call her The Killer Cactus. 'Hey, you!' works too."

The next slide advances into view. "Here are some of the things The Killer Cactus enjoys. Her preferred genre of book, movie, or television show is Science Fiction/Fantasy, which will become very apparent if you decide to role-play with her. She is prone to make up new identities for each game she starts until she settles on one she likes, but that's another slide. Other things The Killer Cactus likes are: purple, cats, purple cats, cacti, most other plants, money, Gaia gold, slasher movies, Dance Dance Revolution, and good music. There may be other things that could be added to this list, but The Killer Cactus couldn't think of them all when she hurriedly scrawled it on a cocktail napkin last night. And I won't read you what's on the other side of that napkin," he adds, blushing slightly.

"One last item for the list: role-playing. Though The Killer Cactus is a writer, she's not a role-player, or at least she wasn't up until now. Please excuse her if she doesn't exactly know what she's doing. She tries, and it's the thought that counts. If she decides on a solid character history, it will probably go here. Otherwise, just expect her to wing it, or she'll give you a brief background summation at the start of the game if required. She prefers things vague, anyway. Keeps it interesting.

"On that note, I'd like to bid you all good day, and The Killer Cactus adds as a last-minute reminder that if you'd like to read her book, you can PM her about it. If there's anything I've left out, feel free to ask. Good bye." As the boy steps down from the pagoda, the audience members give him blank looks, punctuated by deep, even snoring. He walks away, disgusted at their lack of appreciation. The muscular workmen return to carry away the projector screen, carefully loading it back into their truck to thunderous applause.

---

Love the above? Know me from somewhere in the forums? Just generally feel like bugging me? Send me a PM, or talk to me in one of the various ways:
AIM: KillerCactus23
Yahoo! Mail: Killer_Cactus23@yahoo.com
 
 
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Some awesome avatar art!