Hey Love, Since you know everything that is going on in my life already I am just going to tell you that I love you and I miss you so much, there is still a day that doesn't go by that I don't miss you and think about you. I know that I shouldn't do this anymore but I need to for me.... I know that your not here but I need something tangible for me to do to show you how much I love you. I hope you love the bear that I left for you I will visit you soon I think I will ask Will to take me to see you next week... I would love to go right now but you know how life is it can get away from you and pass you by with out realizing how it got away... and here I was going to keep it short and sweet, we both know how I love to ramble on when I am sad... *Hugs tightly and squeezes* I can't say for sure when the next time I will be on will be... I promised Will that I wouldn't come on here much but this is were I feel closest to you when I am not with you that is *chuckles*. I love you and miss you I will catch up with you later Love.
It is a few days to go till it is your Birthday again, wow time flies and I miss you like crazy still... I keep meeting new people and comparing them to you. No one will ever be like you. I got a Tattoo!!!!! but you already know that *giggles*, but you don't know that I am planning on getting a new tattoo the next one I want to be is for you. Angela and I have already discussed this I want to get a pair of angel wings (I know so cliche right!) to form a heart with your birth date in the heart that the wings make... Once I get it I will show you. Oh and the wings will be rainbow for Gay pride and because that was your favorite color the rainbow. I know it was purple but you never discriminated :p I don't see Ami as much... she is busy with college and such and I am busy with Will, Angela, and looking for a job. Chewy is turning into a fat boy.... My nephew is in love with Pokemon, and he loves Keldeo, Matt keeps calling it the my little pony Pokemon, which I just crack up laughing whenever he says that. Gah I can never stop missing you and wanting to wrap my arms around you in a hug. I love you and I always will... I will try to be on here for your birthday I miss you Hun!
Hea Katy I know it has been a long time coming but there are other places I can talk to you >_< It is getting easier not having you here on this plane of existince but it is still sooooo hard, I with and visited with your Aunt Becky a few months ago. She says that she misses and loves you, but you already knew that ^.^ I finally conected with my family up north again... had the time of my life, though I was also wishing you were there to experince it like we did everything so long ago. I am still talking to Ami we are still good friends, *sniffles* I am sooo happy you brought us together, and the people I was able to meet through you. I got back in school last month, I am now going to a culinary acadamy! but once again most of the stuff I am telling you now you already know ^,^ so I don't know why I am telling you here... <.<; as you know I met some one... and I am falling so hard for him... everytime I hear him say 'I love you' I want to cry and tell him I love him back but I want to wait... but then again what if I never get the chance I would hate myself... this I didn't tell you... man I wish you were here to tell him that if he hurt me then you would kick his a**... remember when you told that to Cody... well he didn't hurt me cause I didn't let him... but one guy was able to... you know who he is... that is another reason I am still battling myself over telling this guy that I love him... I don't want to lose him like I have lost so many others... *glomps you and hugs you tight closing my eyes to keep from bawling* Man Katy I miss you and I love you! I want you back here, I need you... all my friends are leaving me... or so it seems, I know you would never leave me.... or maybe it is me leaving them.. I don't really know anymore... Oh I keep forgetting to tell you, Angle left DeWane She had a second son by him she named him Thomas, I don't remember were she is living now but it isn't California she is living with a new master... I don't know who he is but I guess he is treating her and Thomas well. Ummm I guess there isn't anything more for me to tell you... I I will just hug you *hugs and kisses your cheek* Katy I miss and I love you so much, I can't wait for the next time we can talk again.
jeeze i feel like an idiot for making such a bad coment... -sighs- i'll try to stop by again on ur b-day
-bows to eveyone who reads that comment- im sorry if anyone has a problem with me doing this ( commenting on such things) but i need to speak to me frind, adn iv waited a year to say what i wanted to... and hell iv actually left out a hell of a lot... mayeb i need to talk to a prof. maybe not. but until i think i really need to... this is my therapy, my solice, and in my opp. my right as a friend to her. and im sorry if anyone wants to say these things also, but dont feel that they can... it's katy ppl. you can tell her anything you need so you can feel better. her passing ... is such a sad... i cant even describe how i really feel about it yet... dnt want to cry and im too childish i guess... one day, i hope soon, i'lll be able to openly talk abut such things with out crying. not that crying is a bad thing.. it just makes me tired. so...if anyone has anything they need to say to here. go right ahead..
i may be a hypocryte for saying this.. becuse im not even fully ok with sayign this.. but i do know it makes me feel better
katy may not like seeing, or hearing her loved ones say they are in pain... however... im still in the healing proccess... and yes.. im talking kinda formally becuse im distencing myself from the pain... and -sighs- one day i hope to get over this too.
im gana go before i say anything else that's a bit.. much? O-O -shgus-
love you katy, muah
I always wonder... " Can you really hear me when i talk to you?" and if so, why havnt u said anything back? Maybe cus i cant hear me, maybe becuse u cant say anything back to me. Maybe you are really mad at me.
I havnt logged in for almost a year, mostly cus i couldnt find my password e-mail, and i was far too lazy. I mean the dail up and all. remember when we tried to rp, but u guys were on a diff. island and i was basically talking to no one... Well sometimes i feel like.. im either too slow to responde. or that i'm just not doing soemthing right, or that i dont deserve to able to talk to you.
I always ask for a sign of some kind... maybe im too dim and iv gotten it already. I remember a nightmare i had... that u came back to life. that you never died, and it was some kind of hrrible mistake... but when i saw you i knew that u had dided, but they had brought you back. We were at some kind of bolling ally / roller rink, and for some reason you didnt have eyes. They looked like metal and glass tubes that were wired to your brain. when i asked you about them u clicked ur nail on it, " Oh this?" smiled and explained. but i already knew that it was... Kitty, Danny, raven, ... Jamie, kate, kayte, a LOT of people we both knew were there. your aunt was there too. But everyone was out of focus i only focused on you...
Also... He was there too. Nick. -sighs- before i went out with him... i was soo ashamed that i liked him. becuse i thought i was betraying you. and in my dream you were SO mad at me. you yelled and screamed at me becuse i was with him...
I pray that that was not some kind of sign.
I regret evergoing out with him... i dont know the truth about your realtinship. he told me one thing, others told me other things. i belive them over him thoug... but as i loged into this account.. i saw something that made me sad. your sig says " i love my boyfreind" now.. idk if u forgot to change that... or if it was true to the very end... i so wish i had gotten to talk to you before you passed.. all i knew of your relationship was what u had told me almost a year before. on the bus to summer school.
god my eyes hurt, cus they are welling with tears. Katy i love you. im sorry if your mad at me. im sorry if your mad at me for going out with that jerk. i wish i had never told him i liked him back. but that night he was crying, he was hurting i tried to help him as a friend. but then he started saying he liked me... or rather his friend liked me... god what a cleche. " my friend likes you". i only wish... after that it took abut two weeks... and i regret how we even started goingout... becuse he presures me into doing things i didnt REALLY want to do.. numbe one reason i couldnt stand it after 2 months.. then he started telling me EVERYTHIG every few weeks...
i know that he was hurt. i know that he was in pain. but even ever i tiried to talk to him and help him he never listened...
i didnt want to come here to dump all my problems i had with him on to you.. but that's part of my healing proccess... i went out with your ex.. i wish he was not ur ex... cus theonly reson he is cus i passed away and i wish you had never died.. but sometimes i think " at least ur not that that idiot" ... but then i think... how sick can i really be to think that... im so confused with what's happend in this past year... katy i wish u never left. i wish we were still on the school bus talking about what ever. i wish that you and i had gotten to talk. one more time. katy i love you.. and im affraid that when i really need to... i'll have to come back here and cry my eyes out at you...
becsue im hurt. sad. angery. scared. frustrated, all these things since u died. im lonely. i want to talk to u aghain. i want to hear ur voice again. all cus u passed away i wish i didnt.
and becuse im hurt from what that idiot did to me... then it just confuses me cus i still gie people the benefit of the dought.. i know that all his issuses w
There is something I have to tell you my love and I feel that I should say it here for the oddest of reasons that I don't know what... but I think something is going to happen... what that may be I don't know... all I know is what I am feeling...
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-bows to eveyone who reads that comment- im sorry if anyone has a problem with me doing this ( commenting on such things) but i need to speak to me frind, adn iv waited a year to say what i wanted to... and hell iv actually left out a hell of a lot... mayeb i need to talk to a prof. maybe not. but until i think i really need to... this is my therapy, my solice, and in my opp. my right as a friend to her. and im sorry if anyone wants to say these things also, but dont feel that they can... it's katy ppl. you can tell her anything you need so you can feel better. her passing ... is such a sad... i cant even describe how i really feel about it yet... dnt want to cry and im too childish i guess... one day, i hope soon, i'lll be able to openly talk abut such things with out crying. not that crying is a bad thing.. it just makes me tired. so...if anyone has anything they need to say to here. go right ahead..
i may be a hypocryte for saying this.. becuse im not even fully ok with sayign this.. but i do know it makes me feel better
katy may not like seeing, or hearing her loved ones say they are in pain... however... im still in the healing proccess... and yes.. im talking kinda formally becuse im distencing myself from the pain... and -sighs- one day i hope to get over this too.
im gana go before i say anything else that's a bit.. much? O-O -shgus-
love you katy, muah