About Ryanimay

hello. my name is patrick ryan pabillare/conferido

I enjoy living .
I am heavily mentally driven, and hypocritical by my own error .
Most of what I have achieved, I have done in attempts to prove people wrong .
My drive unfortunately decreases as people slowly believe in me .
I estimate my lifespan to be at about 35% completed .
Physically, I am satisfied and content with myself .
In truth I am too sensitive, and easily hurt or offended .
As a child, I promised my dad I would never drink, do drugs, or join a gang .
I have always kept my promises to my dad .
I try to be a good Christian example, but I fail often .
My passions are the soul expressions of music, dance, writing, and art .
I have always wished to live an adventurous life, so my autobiography would sell .
I have been blessed to have many women in my life over time .
I am cursed to have not the tolerance or will to keep them .
In life I have scorned innocent people .
I was once of proud nature, and I thrived on the misfortunes of others .
I have hurt many people who loved me .
Mostly, by forever denying the fact, that I was ever loved by them .
I have never killed, though I admit I have wished death upon those I hated .
I carry no true regrets, only hope that I may someday forgive or be forgiven .
By nature, I am autonomously brave because I am afraid of being a coward .
I have never stolen property . I have never cheated on a woman .
But I have learned to be proudly honest, because I have lied out of fear .
I have never broken a bone, but I have torn multiple ligaments .
As a kid, I had dreams to be a stuntman, an engineer, and a computer wiz .
I am a psychological enigma .
I have an emotional reaction to anything and everything .
I can forgive, but I can never forget when I am offended .
I don't want to care what people think .
I have always feared what people might think of me .
I have functioned on revenge for a very long time .
I am a disappearing act .
I love to be alone , yet at the same time I am always feeling lonely .
I have written a book, I have recorded 100+ songs, and I have lost them all .
Daily, I make horrible decisions .
I have never been proud to hurt somebody .
In the past I have used people, thus in the present I am frequently used .
I have always believed I was too dumb to graduate college .
I had a math teacher who convinced me I was smart enough .
I have never believed I was ever truly loved .
I was once a chorale vocalist, and involved in musical theatre .
I have forgotten 95% of what happened in high school .
Anybody I met beyond 5 years ago, I have chosen to forget .
I am a grudgeholder and have not yet learned to let go .
I grew up craving identity, individuality, and acknowledgement .
These days, I want to avoid attention and expectation .
I have only experienced good things because of God and never because of me .
I failed algebra three times, geometry twice, and barely graduated high school .
I have been knocked unconscious a total of three times .
I have betrayed a best friend, and been betrayed by a best friend .
Repeat cases of stomach flu has made me emetophobic (fear of throwing up) .
I can forget about a person's existence in my life at will .
Unfortunately, I cannot completely disable the ability to remember .
I fear the day I will lose my dog .
I have grown up allergic to all of my favorite foods .
There are about 9 people in life that truly care about me .
As a little kid, I would repeatedly ask my parents if they would cry if I died .
I have been through two depressions in my life .
Wealth is of no appeal, because money has never made me happy .
I appreciate my parents more than I will ever be able to tell them .
I am never oblivious to my own actions .
I am frequently disgusted at my behavior, or the level of my esteem .
I am never ever thinking about nothing .
My heart has been broken, and I cannot say I have never broken a heart .
I have to try with all of my might, to take criticism constructively .
My future is planned, but my happiness can never be guaranteed .
Profanity has no place in my everyday speech .
Nothing can hurt me more than to be lied to .
I have learned that at some points, I have chosen to be miserable .
I am never satisfied with my life, yet I sometimes seem to hide from progress .
I have failed many tests, lost many battles, and given up many times .
I exist today because I always want another shot at everything .

I am not a good person by nature, but I try my best and my aim is true .
I have nothing to show that is perfect, but I believe I can still be appreciated .
I am not always confident, consistent, or prepared .
I can be profound but hardly ever wise .
I can be firm with initiative but scarcely flexible with compromise .
I am not naturally talented, gifted, or booksmart .
My judgements can be flawed, biased, and stereotypical .
I have made and still make mistakes, but I will never fake an apology .
One day I hope to gather those whom I purged and make amends .
I am not a finished product, but I am slowly beginning to build better things .

It is in my heart to be concerned with good stewardship .
It is not impossible to learn to love, and to accept love .
It is important to me, to be a symbol of positivity and not of pain .
It is not the end of time, nor the end of life .
It is not the last day to be happy, or the last chance to experience greatness .
Even when it seems it is, it isn't .
It is very nice to be living .
It is very nice to begin imperfect .

It is very nice to meet you .