The Sordid Tale

Satan: Do you know why you're here, young man?
Airie: This is about the time I blew up that small city in Australia? Because that was awesome.
Satan: No. Though now that you've mentioned--
Airie: Is it about my debauched, deviant lifestyle? 'Cause my auntie said that would land me in Hell.
Satan: Not...as such, but while we're at--
Airie: Oh, Lord, is this about the shellfish? Because I know Leviticus said not to, blah blah blah abomination-cakes, but the clams were just too delicious to pass up and--
Satan: SILENCE, IMPUDENT MORTAL SCUM!
Airie: Sorry, sorry. You need to work on your anger issues, Big Red.
Satan: If you don't stop blithering I'm sending you to the hottest, darkest pit in the neighborhood. No, the reason you're here is...chocolate.
Airie: I'm in Hell because I don't like chocolate?
Satan: Dark chocolate.
Airie: That kind of sucks.
Satan: Hey, I don't make the rules...now, get to your pit.
Airie: I'm going, I'm going...