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Hi. I'm Star. I'm 31, and I've been on Gaia since it opened in 2003. This is my second account, my first one I lost access to.
I can't believe I've been here 20 years. I mean, I'm not nearly as obsessed as I used to be. I used to be really active, from 2004-2011. But things changed. I changed. I joined with my family, and made so many friends. If it hadn't been for Gaia, I wouldn't have had any friends growing up. I even met my best friend here, a friendship spanning 16 years.
Gaia helped me express myself as a closeted asexual and nonbinary person. In 2004, when everyone else was figuring themselves out, I was completely lost. There was no one I knew that was like me. While everyone began to express their sexuality, and create their own sense of identity based around their gender- I was left behind. I knew I liked girls, but not in the same way others did. I felt like I related more to them than I did the guys, but I didn't really belong with them either. Not entirely, anyway. In a binary world, where words like asexual and agender only existed as insults, and anything that didn't entirely conform to a cishet dogma was seen as perverse and mentally ill, I was slowly discovering myself in pixels. On Gaia, I could wear what I want. I could look how I wanted to. I didn't have to justify, or explain it. I could just be who I wanted to be.
It wasn't always easy. There were many, many nights where I cried myself to sleep because I was just so sure I'd never fit in. But here I am, 31, looking back on the scared and uncertain small child I was, in a place I never thought I'd be. A place of acceptance. And no, it's not perfect, and I'm not quite where I'd like to be. But I've made progress.
So that's me. 20 years later. A lifetime, really. From a scared, friendless, uncertain, self-loathing child to a scared, few-friended, uncertain, self-disliking adult.
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[i:fff81ec9f7]"Hold your own, know your name and go your own way; and everything will be fine."[/align:fff81ec9f7]
[b:fff81ec9f7]- Jason Mraz[/align:fff81ec9f7][/b:fff81ec9f7][/i:fff81ec9f7]
