i meant friends who can share things and do everything together.
friends who can tell things to each other.
friends who cares and sees if other one has something on her/his mind.
friends who can make feel relaxed and sometimes forget all bad things.
friends who doesn't need to tell lies each other.
friends who don't need forced smile and can see if it is that.
friends who want both spend some time together like only talking.
friends who knows almost all about each other.
friends who won't become back stabbers.
what i meant about true friendship is also a friend who i can talk to if something terrible has happend.
a friend who would miss me if i'm gone.
...and so on....i could keep writing this list who knows how long...
but my point is that i do have lots of PALS. god knows how almost we all have them...but friends.....i never got change to learn what's meaning of that word.
all around me-as long as i can remember-people have always been talking about all nice and goodie stuff about them and their friends.
gosh! i even ended up writing this one stupid song about friendship. it's awfully embrassing to thing about that.
but what i mean now is that friendship where friends can share things without being afraid that other one may end up being back stabber and cruel
human being. and i mean i have LOTS of experience being back stabbed.
and i don't have any new friends btw... : /
sure it is always nice to be with you. but we both have changed. you have your own life and friends and i have my own life too.
also i can't talk to you about my life because of something you once said to me.
after that it has been always hard to talking anything about "real things".
and actually there has been so much stuff i've always been wanting to share even with you.
but i can't cause there's some other things as well that i found out.
i'm really sorry if i hurt you and if you tought that i meant you with that. i'm just not too good at expressing myself in english.
well...actually same goes for expressing in finnish or other languages as well...so i'm usually simply putting my toughts in paper as a
song or something.
You know what...about our roleplaying...since i couldn't talk to you anymore, i put things about me and my life in there as a hidden pieces.
kind of stupid huh? yes i know that...
Also...you know what(again)...i'm kind of like almost crying here cause i've never meant to hurt you or anything.
i do cherish those times and all. it's just that something horrible is happening in my life. don't worry, i wont start crying about "how terrible life i have" and so on.
it's because of that too why i started to miss "true friends" who could help me out of this. or at least listen to me without getting angry or anything cause they only have to listen to me and i won't listen to them...friends who i can help also.
however. to put it more simply: friends who may just without any good reason make a phone call and ask something like: "how's it going?" simply that. we should all actually ask that once in a while. i mean. we never know how much time we have left.
i know i may being foolish about wanting friendship like that...but i can at least hope. can i?
and i haven't been talking about you here in gaia if that's what you meant... : (
i have other "friends" as well.....and i don't try to be mean...you have also other friends. and it's good. no one wants to spend their days alone waiting for a phone call almost from anyone. trust me...it's freaking scaaaaryyy when i would be clad even if teacha calls.... o___O'
i just noticed that i've been writing down too long list for you...so i'll finish this here:
i'm sorry if you missunderstood and got hurt. that's not what i were trying to do. some friend of mine only just appeared after many years being god knows where...and she also showed to me how she was same as before disappering. back stabber and that also took me back to that time when
'kay. if you say so. : / i only told you that i have my own life too. so it doesn't matter if you have something else to do. but if you want to talk about it i don't mind that either.
urrrurrr...jos todella haluat et pukeudutaan meirän "go" hahmoiksi, tarviin jostain nuo "korvat"...XP hännän vielä väsään jotenkin, mutta....en millään ala noita korvia...
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