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It had been a month since Konoha shinobi had saved the Kazekage from Akatsuki. Naruto and Kakashi had arrived before the redhead had more than a third of Shuukaku’s power siphoned away. Gaara sometimes remembered the pain he’d felt during the bijuu extraction ceremony, and shuddered to even think of how much more agony he would have felt if the process had gone on any longer. He had never felt physical pain like it before, his sand had always protected him from most attacks to his body. The only other time Gaara had experienced physical pain was during a fight with Naruto.
That fight had made the pale jinchuuriki into an entirely different person, at least in his point of view. Since then, hardly a day had gone by without some passing thought of the hyperactive blonde. This confused Gaara at first, but after a while, after he started getting used to connecting with people on even extremely shallow levels, the young Kazekage decided that this was due to the fact that Naruto had pulled him from his darkness. He had always been alone, other people seemed to exist only to push him further and further into his own personal hell. But Uzumaki Naruto destroyed the bulk of his madness, and reawakened in him a will the redhead thought had died in him long ago. A will to connect to the world.
So in short, Gaara figured that it was completely normal to think so often about the person who changed his entire world.
The Kazekage continued to contemplate. It was the middle of the night, so while everyone else slept, he had nothing else to do besides sit on the roof and contemplate.
He contemplated his past, Naruto, the people of Sunagakure, and their gradual acceptance of him, his gratitude for Naruto, and the voice in the back of his head that sometimes whispered that it wasn’t simply gratitude that brought Gaara’s thoughts to the blonde so often. This confused him. Why else would Naruto be in his thoughts so much? The whisper had come even more frequently since his rescue from Akatsuki.
The redhead watched the moon and dissected his relationship with his fellow jinchuuriki. He thought of the blonde as his friend, the first friend he’d ever had. Gaara began to list the reasons for this in his mind.
Naruto knew his pain, so he understood him better than most people who had known the redhead his whole life.
Even though Gaara had threatened the orange-clad ninja’s friends, even though he hurt people the other boy cared about, Naruto had not given up on the possibility that there was something besides anger, and madness deep in his soul.
Even though he thought everyone still held some fear for, some hesitation toward the redhead, Naruto had cried when he thought that Gaara wouldn’t make it after his ordeal with the Akatsuki.
Uzumaki Naruto cared when no one else, not even Gaara himself, had.
Gaara thought back to his fight with the Konoha jinchuuriki. He wondered what Naruto had seen in him that made the unpredictable shinobi decide not to fight to kill. Gaara had been a monster, why would the blonde not give his all to kill a monster? The redhead admired Naruto’s strength, he knew now that the other jinchuuriki had real strength, which wasn’t simply the ability to kill, or cause pain.
Gaara didn’t let himself think about his future too much, he felt it might still be too much to hope that people would want to depend on him, that they might want to let him be part of their world completely. But when he did let himself hope, Gaara wondered if he might some day have more of the strength he admired in Naruto.
Gaara was still pondering, wondering what part of his relationship with the blonde he was missing, when a flash of gold caught his eye. The sun was beginning to rise. The Kazekage decided to put the mystery aside for the time being, and get back to work.
He rose, dusted off his white robe before shrugging it back on, and made his way to the Kage’s office.
***
A couple hours later, Gaara looked up from his paperwork as his older sister entered the room. Temari had just returned from a short stay in Konohagakure, and thought her brother might be interested in a piece of news she had learned from Nara Shikamaru, the lazy chuunin she often talked to while in the Village of the Leaf.
“I guess Naruto finally found Uchiha Sasuke,” she began, taking a seat.
“But he and the rest of his team failed to bring him back. I guess Sakura is kind of torn up about it, but I feel kind of sorry for Naruto. He’s so determined, but Shikamaru says he’s barely said a word about failing, that he’s forcing himself to be strong, partly for Sakura.”
Gaara felt a sharp pang in his chest, and wondered why. He knew that Naruto must feel terrible, and empathized with him, but he didn’t think empathy should hurt that much. The redhead didn’t really have an opinion about Sasuke, but he wasn’t surprised that Naruto was refusing to give up on the missing nin. Something sour suddenly filled the pit of his stomach as Gaara thought about Haruno Sakura. Even though he barely knew the kunoichi he couldn’t help but think of her as selfish for some reason.
He tries so hard for her, but she never thinks of his feelings…it’s obvious he loves her…
The pain in Gaara’s chest suddenly worsened, and he heard a whisper for the thousandth time.
‘More than gratitude…More than frien-‘
Temari spoke again, interrupting the little voice.
“I saw Sakura and Naruto though, and it did look like she was trying to cheer him up. She seems to be maturing a bit, she’s been a lot nicer to Naruto than she used to be. I guess even those brats are growing up…”
Her name-calling was somewhat affectionate, Temari was also extremely grateful to Naruto and his team for rescuing Gaara.
The Kazekage felt sick to his stomach, and he didn’t know why.
“Oh,” he replied, not wanting to worry his sister.
Maybe she’s realizing that he’s not the annoying brat she thought he was…Naruto must be happy…
The sick feeling worsened, and Gaara suddenly stood.
“Ah…” he started when Temari looked at him questioningly.
“Excuse me for a minute…”
And he walked out of the room as if he was heading to the bathroom.
Gaara walked right past the bathroom door however, and entered his bedroom instead.
“What the hell is wrong with me…” he asked himself
“It’s as if thinking of Naruto and Sakura together is hurting me…He loves her, I should feel happy for him… I don’t understand this…”
The voice of a weakened shuukaku suddenly sounded in his head.
“You don’t want them together. I can take care of the girl for you, just go to sleep for a while…”
Gaara saw the demented grin as if it were right in front of him.
What? Why would I want that, she’s never done anything to me…? No! I’m not like that anymore! I grew tired of killing people for no reason long ago!
“She will do something to you…I can stop her before she does…”
Do something to me? What would she do to me? This is ridiculous, leave me alone!
“She’ll take him away from you…”
What?? What are you talking about? Just because he’s my friend doesn’t mean he’s mine to take away…
The little voice whispered again.
‘More than friendship…’
What!?
Gaara grew so frustrated that he voiced his next thought aloud.
“I don’t understand! Why would Naruto being with Sakura hurt me!?”
“Stupid! Because you-“
Suddenly Temari, who had just opened the Kazekage’s bedroom door without him even noticing, interrupted the Shuukaku.
“Because you love him.”
Temari stared worryingly at her brother as he stared back at her with shock.
Gaara’s jaw dropped, and he talked more to himself than to his older sister.
“Wha…What? Love…? Me…?”
Naruto’s grinning face appeared in the Kazekage’s mind, and suddenly it felt as though everything had clicked into place.
Gaara had never felt so shocked in his life.
I…I love…Naruto…?…Love…?
Temari stepped closer to her younger brother, still worried.
“I wondered when you’d realize it…” she said gently.
Gaara continued to stare at her, and the Shuukaku spoke in his head again.
“Heh, too bad there’s no way he’d love you back. How long has he been after that bratty girl?”
The redhead thought about this for a minute, before realizing that Temari was still expecting him to collapse into tears or something.
He forced his face to relax, he didn’t want to worry her any longer, and he wanted to think about this by himself.
“I’m…sorry, could you give me some time to myself?”
Temari paused for a second, then nodded. Even though she was still worried, and wanted to help her youngest brother, she knew that he needed to be alone for a while, to try to sort things out in his head. The blonde kunoichi put her hand on Gaara’s shoulder, trying to wordlessly communicate that she would be there if he needed her, and left the room, shutting the door behind her
***
Ten minutes had passed, and Temari’s words finally made sense to Gaara. He felt stupid for wondering for so long about his feelings for Naruto. He had never really understood what love was before. The Kazekage knew he was supposed to love his siblings, and he certainly cared about them, but he had often wondered if it was really different from the way he cared about anyone else. He had certainly never had any romantic love for anyone before. But he knew that the way he thought about Naruto had always been different
Shuukaku was still continuously teasing him, determined to chip away at the redhead’s sanity, until only the madness was left once more.
“That brat must be in heaven now that his little girlfriend’s finally giving him the time of day. I’m sure he’s forgotten all about you…and even if he does remember you, you’ll always be his “friend”, maybe not even that…maybe you’re nothing more than an acquaintance of his. Hell, I figure you’re lucky if he thinks of you at all these days…”
Gaara tried to ignore his inner demon, but couldn’t help but think the one-tailed beast was probably right. For the first time in many years, the jinchuuriki wished he could sleep. Wished he could take a break from reality…from himself.
Shuukaku’s grin appeared again.
“Go ahead and sleep…I’ll deal with things for you…you’ll feel so much better if you just sleep…”
Gaara had always harbored small doubts that he was worthy enough to be Kazekage. He wondered if the people of Sunagakure should really trust him to lead them, to protect them. Suddenly these doubts were growing. Could he really be trusted not to give in to the madness, with a literal inner beast slowly fighting to destroy the sanity that kept it walled off?
Maybe Naruto should have just killed me…
Shuukaku laughed inside him.
“Ha! Nothing can kill you while you have me! But you can go to sleep, it would be just as good…”
Even if I went to sleep, Naruto could kill you…
Gaara stopped short. A plan began to form in his head.
The Kazekage sat down and began to scrawl out a note.
 X Kalika X · Thu Aug 20, 2009 @ 11:41am · 0 Comments |
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