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You're seated in a comfortable office setting. The shelves are lined with dozens of books, some in languages you recognize, even. The books are accompanied by a blue beta fish and some lucky bamboo. It's an overwhelmingly organized and uncluttered office.

Across from you sits Dr. Nikolai Stanislav, a gentleman of indeterminate age - though presumably forty or so, from the grey streaks in his black hair. His green eyes stand out starkly against his dark beige skin, staring at you intently from behind black, thick-rimmed glasses. He smiles slowly, eerily amused, and folds his hands before him. When he speaks, it's a heavy, Russian accent.

"Sooo... tell me about your mother."







"Ah...hahahaha. Sorry, sorry. I'm joking, of course, but seriously, how vas your relationship vith your parents? Vhat vere zey like?"






"Very fascinating. So, did zat define your childhood for you, zen? Or vas zere more?"






"Vell, you may find you're not as normal or as abnormal as you think. So, did you get very far educationally?"






"Mmh, yes, I hear zat often. So, zen, your first job?"






"Hahaha, I tell you: zat is better zan my first job. I hope I never see anozer potato. Speaking of potatoes, do you have any phobias? What scares you?"






"Mmmheheheheh. I already knew zat. Nozing to be ashamed of, I assure you. Alright, zen, almost done. Vhat do you enjoy? Your hobbies? A favorite color? A song zat you must always sing along with? Life must be made up of joys, as vell, yes?"






"Ah. I am fond of mambo. Vhat? Is that so suprising? Vell, one more question: if you could change anyzing about your life, vhat would it be? Be honest. I von't get offended."






"Very good. Now, give me just a moment..."