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Akatsuki Phone Messages.... lol... |
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Title: After the Beep
Genre: Humour
Rating: T
Characters: Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, Tobi, Kakuzu, Hidan, Zetsu, Sir Leader
Summary: Answering machine messages. Need I say more? XD
After the Beep
Itachi
youve chosen an inopportune time to try and contact me. Im not available at the moment. If you have vital information or something of interest to the Akatsuki, you may call my cell. Do not call me otherwise. If you choose to despite my warning, you will spend three days in a disconnected hell of inverted colour, during which time I will probably poke you with something sharp. AlsoSasuke, if this is you, stop leaving me death threats on the answering machine. Im pleased youre embracing the hatred idea so whole-heartedly, but frankly, the messages are becoming tedious. And dont think youre free to discard my warning just because youre residing with Orochimaru. He has nothing on me. *ominous silence* That is all. Leave a message after the beep.
Beep.
Kisame
Hey, this is Kisame. Im not here right now. Itachis the one in charge of the cell phone so dont bother trying it, unless you have information or whatever. I might take some time getting back to you becauseer, this answering machine is kind of new and Im still figuring out how to use itandif anybody knows how to change the ring tone, please tell me. Im afraid of what Itachill do if he hears You Are My Sunshine one more time. Oh, and.if this is Itachis little brother, stop leaving me messages to pass on to him. Im not your messenger boy, you damn brat. Honestly, I dont know why he left you alive. But anyway, leave a message and Ill try to get back to you. *hits the wrong button and plays You Are My Sunshine* Oh, s**t
Beep.
Deidara
Hey, hi, howre you doing? Im good, un. Before you start telling me your life story, I should tell you Im not here. Hahaha. Fooled you, didnt I? Im busy in the pursuit of creating beautiful, awesome, cool art, so I wont get back to you unless you leave me a message, un. And make it interesting. I dont like boring messages. Tell me who your favourite artist is, and if I like your answer, Ill return your call. Dont say Andy Warhol. If you say Andy Warhol, Ill bomb your house, un. And stupid Tobi, if this is you, stop leaving me messages! We live in the same room, you retard. Umam I forgetting something? Oh yeah. Acquaintances of Sasori-danna. Hes dead. Stop leaving messages for him. Its creepy, un. So yeah! Leave a message after the boomI mean beep, un.
Beep.
Tobi
Hello! Im sorry, but Im not here right now to take your call. Well, actually, Im here right now butum, when you make your call and you hear me saying Im not here to take your call, even though Im talking to you, Im really not there*pauses* This is confusing, Deidara-senpai. *muffled shouting sounds in the background* Deidara-senpai says Im an idiot and that you should ignore what I say. Umplease be patient as you wait for me to get back to you. I promise I will. Tobi is a good boy! I apologize on behalf of Deidara-senpai and myself if he blows up the answering machine. I will bake you an apology cake if your message gets exploded. So please, leave a message after the beep! Bye bye!
Beep.
Kakuzu
Im not here right now. Do not bother attempting to call my cell because itll be off, since our service provider charges too much. If this is a call regarding a transaction, I will return the call ASAP. If this call isnt related to money, dont expect a call back. Also, if this is a telemarketer, I will say this only once. Stop calling here. I am not interested in getting a credit card, or going to the Bahamas, or donating money to the poor. Tell the lazy, good-for-nothing bastards to get jobs. If you call one more time, Im telling Hidan to sacrifice you all to his psycho God. And trust me, hell do it. Talk after the beep.
Beep.
Hidan
Hey, Im kind of busy at the moment, so I cant answer your call. If...shitgot blood all over the receiver...if this is a telemarketer, Ill just say you unwittingly made an appointment with something sharp, you poor b*****d. AndGod, Im dizzyyou Jehovahs Witnesses. Stop trying to convert me. Ive got reason to kill the next one of you that decides to show up at the door. I belong to the faith of Jashin, bitches. Get it in your heads, seriously. ...ugh, ******** room is spinninguh, listenmessageleave a message after theuhgoddamn it Im gonna pass outleave a beep after the message. s**t, I mean, leave a message after theoh ********. *crash*
Beep.
Zetsu
Greetings. Unfortunately, youve chosen to call while Im unavailable. Please leave a message after the beep, and give me yourname, address, phone number, weight, and blood type. I will try to return your call as soon as possible. If I dont return your call within 48 hours, assumeIve found something to eat. Digesting bones takes a lot of energy. If this is the botanists union, I will get back to you ASAP. Found poisonous green cactibeautiful. As to the prank caller whos been harassing us, weve traced your name, number, and address. Expect me to drop by for dinner sometimeBut for now, leave me a message. Wait for the beep.
Beep.
Leader
Congratulations. You have just earned a death certificate by dialing this number. If this is a prank call, you will die. If this call has nothing to do with information regarding the jinchuuriki, you will die. If this call is accidental, I will spare your life but eat your children. However, if you have information you think is valuable, I will see to it that your call is returned within the appropriate time. If your information turns out useless, you will die. You will not be rewarded for the information, and sharing it will not entitle you to a position within the Akatsuki. At best, we will rob you of all you hold dear and leave you to rot away the rest of your miserable, meaningless existence. Understand? Good. As to the beep...figure it out or die.
Beep.
THE END
(i did not make this, it was on something i found, and it was made by someone on livejournal.com)
 m.ikstar · Tue Mar 27, 2007 @ 12:25am · 0 Comments |
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