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A Struggling Artists Cry for Help. |
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I don't know where to begin with this...
I guess it started a few months back, after Josh died...He was one of my primary inspirations, and was always there to motivate me...Witty banter, rude comments here and there..always added up to some intriguing image that I could at least TRY to push out of my head and onto the paper..
When josh died.....part of me died with him...he was my brother...My best friend...
All of the idea's we shared together...I'll never be able to show these things to him, I'll never be able to ask him what he thinks of this idea, or that idea....
My own idea's are few and far between, and anything I have tried to put to paper has turned out like crap.
I've got several commissions sitting at home...one of which I am trying to work on tonight, and it's not turning out well at all...
I don't know what to do....I have the idea's in my head..but bringing them to the page...it's becoming increasingly difficult...I sit int he shower...for hours...thinking..staring at the clean white shower walls, trying to imagine the things I want to draw..trying to make them stick long enough in my head that they commit to my long-term memory, so that I can see it on the page and draw it....all to no avail....
I sit in the shower and try to imagine these things because the water, cascading down the oddly textured glass of the door creates shapes, faces, characters....The white walls are like a blank canvas, solid white...large enough for my eye to see what it is I want to draw...
The water, running, creates a sense of solitude, definite peace and tranquility..something I don't get much of...
My friends think I'm strange for sitting in the shower for so long all of the time... It's the only place I can think clearly..the sound of the water drowning out everything but my own thoughts...
(So now, some of you whom I've known for a while know why I like water so much)
I'm Bi-Polar and have a severe case of ADD....These two things, working together, can really ******** up your thought process...and they only work together when they want to sabotage your work..
I want to go to college in January in order to start working with graphic arts, designing video game and comic book characters....I want to, someday, see my work displayed in an ad for the world to see on television... I want people to see my work and enjoy it as much as I do...
But I am at a loss...
As I said before..my idea's, as of late, are few and far between...
I'm an artist...I guess that means I'm a bit eccentric...
It's like losing a part of yourself.....slowly....you try to grasp it, but it begins to slip through your fingers...and it's slow to occur...it takes an eternity...but it does happen... You lose touch with the one thing that makes you unique, the one thing that sets you apart from everyone else...
I have a vivid imagination...but the transition from thought to page is a difficult one..
I've been drawing steadily since I was 15. I started out drawing the pictures from my favorite Comic books, to great detail, and almost perfected my ability to copy exactly what I saw.... Then I began to grow....to let my imagination guide my hand when I drew....I was drawing all kinds of things....animals, anthropic, robots, vehicles....if it was sci-fi or fantasy, i tried my hand at it, and I did my best work, I believe, around the age of 17, when I began to mimic the art styles of others, trying to find something I could relate to..trying to find something that would spark my own style, something that would begin to set me apart from everyone else...
But I never found it...
I watched as those around me, whom I'd known online, became better and better...
Mimic T. Moonrat had a style all her own from the git-go... I remember how she used to tell me how much better my art was than hers. And I always told her that if she kept at it..she'd go far...become far better than she was... When her art was featured in a Sonic the Hedgehog Issue, I bragged about her and showed her work to everyone.
"I know her. She's going to go far."
I remember when Alex Daragon would come to me for idea's for pics, and I always had a good one for him...Always had motivating words for him...Back then, we were all at the same level...
And over the years, I've watched every one of my online friends surpass me...
I've watched them achieve their own individual styles and escalate to new heights...
Whereas I....Well...I'm still here....10 years later...and I can't understand how everyone could have just...passed me by...
My style ....is very flawed..and unoriginal...Everyone draws anime and manga...It's nothing special..it's not unique...and my style...Well, my style is not my style...I...do not have a style of my own...and that's the worst part of it all....
I'm fighting a losing battle...I've gotten nowhere in the past couple of years...In Fact, compared to some of my earlier works, even my best new stuff pales in comparison...
I can't ink..My color work is mediocre at best..and I can't use traditional coloring tools to save my life...Put a colored pencil in my hand and I'll probably ask something stupid like "Uhhh..What the hell is this thing?"
I'm 25...and nowhere near being what I wanted to be growing up...I want to be an artist so much...but something is missing from my life to give me the motivation I need to continue doing what I love....
I guess you could call me a dreamer...A dreamer who has yet to realize his dreams...
I guess what I'm saying is...I need help...I can't do this by myself anymore...I don't know if I need encouragement...I don't know what it is, exactly, that I need...but I do know I need help...
And I'm asking you all...anyone who reads this...I'm begging you all to help me somehow...
Sincerely, William Luke
TypoKing · Sat Oct 28, 2006 @ 07:49am · 1 Comments |
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