Hi guys. I’m here today to bring something to discussion something that’s been on my heart for over a decade. About how breakups are handled in friend circles. I have found often times what happens if both people I know had a bad break up or even an ammoacable one if one is salty about anything slander of character tends to happen. Break ups are hard. And require a lot of maturity. That sadly a lot of people don’t possess. I only wish sometimes that mutual connections could be balanced easier after a break up. On both sides typically. Even In friendships I see this. It’s not exclusive to relationships. And it’s so damaging to a community and an individual. To trash talk the other. Ive learned in life it’s best when both parties can keep the slander and venting at a minimum. Some of it is natural. It’s okay to be mad, to be sad, profess what went wrong to your bestie and think on things so your better next time, and to allow space for these things. And at the same time. I only share my deepest darkest things to my closest friends who have earned my trust. There are things I have not shared here and never will for instance about my last serious relationship Caleb simply to protect him. Out of respect for him. Even though I have written about him some I won’t share some things out of respect. But also I just want peace.I May be an open book on most things. There are some I keep to myself. Out of respect for my exes. Or past ppl in life I’ve had conflict with. I wish others did the same thing.

I feel this should be done on both sides of the coin. Often it’s not. Sadly even in friend break ups especially. I’ve been a victim of gossip and slander of my character. It hurts that people can’t just come to me and keep it between me and them if they have an issue. I understand venting and processing as long as trash talking doesn’t occur and moving forward in healing happens. Often in my life I run into people who smooth things over. Pass it over. Or shove it under a carpet and act like everything’s fine only to find out from everyone else it’s not fine. This is so so so so damaging and hurtful. It’s destroyed my friendships in the past. I hope and pray people can grow and be better. I’ve learned from my experiences and I think that’s the best anyone can ask of me.

I did a lot of protecting when I broke up with anyone I dated in my past or even liked but rejected. To protect their image in our circles if I could. as I still care and cared back then when I was single. A part of me will always care for them. I don’t wish anything bad on anyone I’ve been with regardless of how hurt I was. And trust me there were some experiences where I was devastated. There were some instances I wanted to so badly say to even my closest friends. But I didn’t out of respect. Still haven’t. Yet I see people even on here in life issues or chatterbox or wherever trash talking their exes. I’m like okay yes there’s a reason you split got it. But I just wish people would treat each other with dignity and respect.

It’s a interesting subject when talking about this I feel because people handle breakups differently. Sadly I have not been given the same grace with some of them but whatever. If you choose not to like me I can’t control that. Or what is said or thought of me. It hurts but it is what it is.

We all have ways we process our emotions and our grief.
I go through a lot of inner turmoil when I loose someone I care deeply for. I don’t make decisions lightly and give them a lot of thought. Before calling it quits. I try to make sure I did everything I could think of. I want to know I did my best as that’s all anyone can expect of me.

my heart still breaks. For the loss of friendship and friends that come with the splits I experienced before where I’m currently at..... I was hesitant with anyone I considered romantically. To commit especially after my last serious one before my current one but also before him. I watched what my parents went through and wanted none of that. Because for one I knew once I was in it I was in it for the long haul. I’m an all in or all out kind of girl. I didnt just casually date. Maybe at first in HS and Middle school. Because I was too young to seriously date. I did but once I got older I took it more seriously and was like nope. All in or all out. I wanted a serious relationship. And then two I didn’t want to risk loosing the friendship /connection. At the time I truly was fond of them at a friendship level. Taking it to a next level means potentially loosing that connection if it didn’t work out and that’s sadly what happened with most of mine when it didn’t work out. I hate that part of it.

I also struggled with just turning someone down whom I thought was just a friend especially if it blindsided me. It especially would if I was hoping for a brother sister friendship in the first place. Totally platonic. Nothing romantic. Often what would happen if I said no. Is they would ghost or disappear. The guy I referenced a few times I want closure with after my serious ex was like that. I only wanted a platonic friendship nothing romantic just a friend. He kept asking over and over. But I kept saying no. It was frustrating to be treated like his way or bust basically. I did say no often this way to others too I got approached an overwhelming amount when I was younger. But always turned down offers. For various reasons it was especially hard when I had been single after a point and just wanted to stay that way to heal. And learn more about myself and what I wanted before going into a relationship again. I just was approached for one. And then I said no or I need time to heal first And well.... they disappear out of my life. I find when one can’t take a no and remain friends even at that stage of a possible relationship. Incredibly hurtful because it’s treating me like an object. I often felt like men I was with treated me that way. Like they thought If they can’t get what they want out of me. I’m not worth it in their life to keep around as a friend. is what that says to me.Thats so damaging. I don’t know about you. But I don’t live that way and never will. Treat others like you want to be treated is how I try to live by. I’m not perfect but I try really hard to live that way. I try really hard to protect people’s images especially my exes. I hope the same in return. It’s so hard to balance. But it’s needed to survive in this world. Why is it that people get so bitter I wonder ? Bitter in Greek means poison.... I don’t want any of that toxic energy in my life.

Music: Blue October- Moving on (holy Crap. These guys have put out so much music this year. They have some amazing covers too! There’s a blink 182 one that makes me like the song I miss you way better than the original lol! Maybe I’m biased because Justin’s Voice is to die for. And I just so admire his story. Anyways. Enjoy !)

Mood: reflective. Peacefull

PS: feeling less stressed now that the 20th is behind us. Like I can breathe again. Brighter days are ahead I feel!