Sharing some thoughts and reflections on my life through music. Music has played an important role in my life. It can be a powerful healer. It has helped me process through a lot. It helped get me through the worst time so f my life. It reminds me of who God is in my life. It also just helps me to release and restore my mind if I'm in my head too much. I used to listen to it obsessively because it hurt too much to think about things. I used to use it to numb out my emotions sadly thats not a healthy way to do things. Now I use it as a way to help me process and move forward in my life. These are some songs that stand out to me today. I felt compelled to share this here. I would have left this post as its been out for awhiile. But I wanted to add to the intro for explaning it. This music has been speaking to me a lot lately. And I will be sharing more. Things are starting to pick up for me. So I won't be on as much. But when I have time I will come back. This site holds a special place in my heart. As childish as it can be.... It also is really fun even as an adult lol. I hope that It sticks around past the death of flash. Anyways. Back to music!

These lyrics by Plumb below means so much to me for many different reasons. They are beautiful and have such power behind them. The first song is I want you hear off of need you now. Recently discovered despite its age. It’s helped me process through my old mistakes. It’s helped me realize I missed someone because I should have said yes to them but it’s too late now. Its also made me realize I put up with too much bs...... with a lot of my exes. Especially one in particular regarding my history of a particular subject which something was robbed from me against my will.....And in a way god used those things for good. It’s helped me compartmentalize my thoughts and organize the blur from a season of my life and release by screaming I want you here at the top of my singing lungs. in reference to things I regret or people who aren't in my life anymore whom I wish still were. And giving them to god. In particular an ex whom waited on me for almost 7 years while we grew up together.....and then poof gone when I was ready or thats how it felt. I also just wanted to explore a friendship with this guy before a relationship because we met on line.....and other things too especially once we got older that was my intent. I wanted the chance to see if he meshed well with my friends see if he got along with my fam even just as a friend. Sadly because he was from Florida. and because I was poor and so was he well that never transpired I finally got a job my junior year of college as a costumer seamstress but it was too late then...It didn't make since for me logically. I should have listened to my heart. Not my head. And done something about it. And at the same time. What am I supposed to do when he doesn't show me he is serious by coming up when I've asked if he would just as a friend to see me? Not as a romantic partner..... this made me sad but at the same time I understood his mindset also. Regardless the longing remained and then I stopped hearing from him and was heart broken. I had hoped maybe the stars would align one day. Its clear it wasn't meant to be now. however I do wonder sometimes if it could have played out differently if I had said yes.

These lyrics have helped me with some grief from that relationship and others...... especially my ex from atl...... but also grief from losses in general.... Especially from my papou who passed 2 years ago. This song is something I belt out at the top of my lungs. When I need healing and it helps because I’m giving these things to god and trusting him with what I have now. And was exactly how I felt when my parents divorced, when an ex abandoned me out of no where after promising he wouldn’t......no matter what happened which hurt and yet I know I hurt him too with my air head comments. It’s touched me also when ive had many losses in my life and in a pit of lonely ness. God was there for me in all of those moments. I can’t describe d it other than a feeling of comfort and assurance. This song I dedicate to those experiences but also to a particular relationship I had. He will know who he is. I hope that by sharing this meaning perhaps he will understand where I was coming from. I hope it gives him peace too if its still needed as it never sat right with me the way things left off. I am realizing now that I’m in a place where I can process my emotions from then..... and that season. That I’m hurt because we promised to remain friends. Regardless of what happened. He was such a good guy. Where ever he is I hope he’s doing well in life. I can’t shake this feeling that we will re connect one day. And I hope for it to be a positive reconciliation. Anyways enjoy these lyrics. They read like poetry. Plumb speaks to my soul.... and she speaks deep to my bones. Also to my past version of my self many times. The song somebody loves you. Also describes me perfectly. Do you guys relate to songs that way ? If so which ones ? Comment below !!!!


Plumb I want you here.....

An ache
So deep
That I
Can hardly breathe
This pain
Can't be imagined
Will it ever heal?
Ooh, ooh
Your hand
So small
Held a strand of my hair
So strong
All I could do
Was keep believing
Was that enough?
Is anyone there?
I wanna scream
Is this a dream?
How could this happen
Happen to me?
This isn't fair
This nightmare
This kind of torture
I just can't bear
I want You here
I want You here
Ooh, ooh
I waited so long
For You to come
Then You were here
And now You're gone
I was not prepared
For You to leave me
Oh, this is misery
Are you still there?
I wanna scream
Is this a dream?
How could this happen
Happen to me?
This isn't fair
This nightmare
This kind of torture
I just can't bear
I want You here
I…


Also to add to this entry..... The album Need you now. Speaks really entirely to my past. And to my history of what it took for me to move forward from that relationship..... But also in general speaks to the longing and hurt and trauma of my past. Also the joy and respect and love I have for this person regardless of what he did or said......... Now matter how hurt I am for him disappearing and not coming back. The line "how many times have you heard me cry out god please take this" Was something I said and say all throughout the challenges in my life..... through depression through the history with my mother and family, my ex and my career losses and feeling like I had lost literally everything. It has not been easy for me. And yet I know God has been there in my life. Even though These things happened..... I know he loves me, he loves you he loves everyone. And so That is why it speaks so deep to my bones. I want to be like that and live like that.

I will also share these lyrics. Because It also resonates.


Well, everybody's got a story to tell
And everybody's got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there's beauty here
'Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on
I can't let go, I can't move on
I want to believe there's meaning here
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise
How many times have you heard me cry out
God please take this?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
Though I walk,
Though I walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid…
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take
How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strength?
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
I need you now


I want to add the song damaged to this in hopes to share with anyone broken and ashamed and scared. ::::::::::Mature Content Warning ahead :::::::This is a song about

abuse and not just hitting and verbal.... the horrific kind that’s too hard to say yet music captures words that were too hard to even fully be-honest about back then to the people I should have been honest with. You can read between the lines. I hated myself and yet it brings me peace. .....It’s meant to help those struggling find healing and to lean on god. It’s helped bring me peace. The song is called Damaged also by plumb powerful and beautiful speaks to the soul right to the heart.