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I remember a time when I used to LOVE the fact that it was my birthday. I would run around my classroom telling every kid I could that it was MY birthday today, that I was the special kid that day. I remember waking up excited to pick out my outfit for school, wondering what my cake would look like after dinner, and wondering if I would get a phone call from my Dad.
The older I get, the less fun it becomes. I don't know if it's just an age thing, where everything in life just gets more dull as time goes on. Maybe. With each passing birthday, I hear from less and less family and friends. At this point, I feel blessed to hear from my Mom and maybe my s/o. This year, I didn't even have cake. With each birthday, it just gets worse and worse. I hate celebrating my birthday and I'm slowly starting to hate participating in other's birthdays as well. Whats the point? I wish them a "Happy Birthday!!!" and continue on with my day.
Today is my dad's birthday. Its not that I hate that its HIS birthday. I just hate birthdays. Everyone expects something: gifts, visits, phone calls. My sister reached out to me and invited me to their house for a birthday dinner. This hurt. I know I'm being extremely selfish about it, but I have my own reasons. My dad decided to start a new family, and when he did this, I became back burner. That's when I started to hear less and less from him, less birthday calls, less checking in, less caring how I was doing in school or how my life is. My past birthday, when I'm used to getting a phone call although usually only 5 minutes long, I got a text instead. And usually that call involves some sort of plan for a visit. Nothing, instead he decided to support my Ex with his baby shower. That's a story for another day.
But how am I supposed to feel, when after years of being placed at the bottom of the totem pole, my sister is now mad because I declined a surprise birthday dinner for my dad?

I hate birthdays. yum_cupcake