------Sometimes I tell myself that I already have experienced everything I ever want to experience in this world and that there is no point of me existing. But I'm not allowed to die, I promised myself this. I want to live and make an impact on people. I want to claw my existence and leave my impression into the face of this universe even if it is a small impression.
------I don't know why I'm thinking of this now. A couple of my friends are sick from the pandemic, and I hope they'll be okay. I think its the entire world's insecurities affecting me right now. A small reminder that every life is fragile, vulnerable and precious. Sometimes my headspace turns extra dark and I have to dig in order to find something to brighten it. The other day Tannsi told me that she was glad I'm still here, even after trying to put a bullet in my mouth. I'm glad I'm still here too. I'm not allowed to die.
------I find it funny that I'm denying myself death, even though it comes to us in the end. I'll survive this pandemic I hope, even though it's really bad in NYC right now.
Wish me luck! or wish me life, Anikacy signing out!
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I've been writing in this since I was thirteen in 2007. I still am writing in it, and it will probably be my legacy till the day I die. (Don't start reading from the beginning as my writing was atrocious then.)