can I just make an up-beat journal entry real quick ?
today was a different day then the last few months.
I actually fell asleep before 5a.m. last night and even slept in a lil.
basically I finally got some real sleep. rolleyes

anyway, I got up, got ready, and took that 2 minute drive to the beach with my son.
when I was there, I strangely ran into, like, the only friend that I have.
she just had a baby boy a couple months ago so she had her stroller
kindabummed that my son didn't get to walk around in the sand like I had imagined in my head but it was still nice to see somebody without going through the anxiety of making plans and potentially facing rejection.
(lol, yes, I do know how that sounds. im working on it)

I honestly enjoy the days when im home alone when Jacob is gone all day.
its quiet, I get to watch what I wanna watch on tv, I don't feel that fuming hatred I sometimes get when I look at his face and think of Lia
I also don't need to come up with excuses to avoid having sex with him.. sweatdrop

for anybody reading these and potentially worried about my son being in the environment of an unhealthy relationship:
1st I want to say thank u for ur concern, really.
2nd I want to make a promise to u that it doesn't appear as an unhealthy relationship. we r very civil.
basically, we don't even seem like a couple at all..
more like.... friends because we can laugh together, but that's about as good as it gets. small talk jokes.

before I start going off on some bs tangent about Jacob (yet again!)
im just going to stop myself here.
my day was good. took my son to the beach, and saw a friend.
pretty dope day for my average life