Resting with taco
Gave him his medicine & massaged him to sleep
Never got my nap. Managed to eat a little. Had some wine & called my grandmother.
She’s telling me to let go. I agree. I’m not going to ghost. But there’s no point in trying.
I’m not undoing my progress. I won’t hole up again.
But the reality is, it will always be just me.
& the love I feel means nothing. My plans for the future are pointless. My hope for others...
it’s for the best. I need to keep that right
We move forward. We grow. We close the chapter & move on. We focus on what we need to. Nothing more. We take it one day at a time.
I feel like an idiot. There was so much that I said that I just didn’t need to. At all. I keep throwing my heart out for no reason. It’s clear. I need to get it.
It hurts to breath. I can barely see. I hate this. I hate myself. I wish I never met him. I wish I never fell this hard. For someone that will forever be
Psycho is calling every night now. Trying to fill that space.
He can only hold her for so long
The light are on but no ones home
She’s so vacant
Her soul is taken
He thinks ‘what’s she running from?’
Now, how can he have her heart?
So he tries to pacify her
But what’s inside her
& even if she’s content in his warmth
She is plagued with urgency
That he longs to be
Day two night three. onto day three
In a weird way
Without that weight
The weight of not knowing. Of desperately needing. It’s replaced by
Peace with the pain
I know now. Everything is over. Everything. This is how it’s going to be.
This is how it’s going to be
This is how it
This is how it is
It is what it is
It is what it is
It was what it was
It will be what it will be
I hope I’ll be ok soon
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